PTSD? Tw sh and si

[Aglassaday]

Hi all,

For context, I have struggled with anxiety and depression for many years in addition to self harm and suicidal thoughts. I am currently two years self harm free and don’t see myself doing it ever again. I had CBT last year which proved helpful towards my anxiety and have been on 100mg sertraline for about a year which has helped on the depression side of things. I had a traumatic childhood where I was abused mentally and physically and both my parents were not very nice people, my father cheating on my mother and my mother being a pathological liar and being manipulative and physically abusive to me. Safe to say and medical professionals have agreed with me that my anxiety and depression stems from childhood trauma.
However recently in the last 6 months I’ve been experiencing quite mild ‘flashbacks’ where something will trigger an intense memory from childhood. I am aware that this is a memory and not real life however it’s almost like a sudden really intense thought that will come up and often increase anxiety/cause a panic attack.

However yesterday, whilst I was working in a quiet environment on a computer, I suddenly had a sort of ‘flashback’ from childhood however this was more about times I was mentally ill in childhood, which again links to the childhood trauma aspects as my mental illness caused more trauma from my parents as they didn’t handle it well iyswim. This caused me to have a servere panic attack, I was shaking and couldn’t talk and I knew where I was and everything but it was almost like my brain was in that state that I was back when the traumatic event happened. I eventually snapped out of it and the rest of the day and even a bit today I felt on edge and withdrawn and just generally lost.

Any advice on what this could be and what I should do?

Thank you for reading and please be kind
TIA
xx

Hiya! I've suffered with MH issues for 15 years (I'm only 30)
Like yourself I had a very very traumatic childhood. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused.
Over the years it has got very severe.
When I was younger my issues were labeled as depression and anxiety but I have now been diagnosed properly with bipolar, BPD and PTSD with anxiety.
In the past five years I have been addicted to cocaine, crack and ketamine. This has led to 2 serious suicide attempts - 6 week coma in 2020 and 8 week coma in 2023. This was mainly because I was hiding being an addict to my husband and my mum.
What my point is, is to talk to a trusted person about your flash backs and mental health issues.
I'd also suggest you go to your GP and try to push for community mental health - be warned though it is very hard to be accepted and assigned a CPN.
the first time I was referred it was rejected,
So I went to see a private psychiatrist and thanks to him the NHS were forced to give me secondary mental health care.
I would have paid privately continuously but I couldn't afford it and I shouldn't have to.
HTH

Thank you @JamieJ93 for being so supportive and for sharing your story too, this has really helped. I’m so sorry you had to go through so much but also so proud of how far you have come💕.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and helping me validate my own :)

Emotional flashbacks are common for those suffering with complex PTSD and they vary in intensity and length. I suggest you have a look at the Out of the Storm website for more information.

https://www.outofthestorm.website/cptsd-description/

I am glad that the CBT proved helpful for the anxiety - but most people who have trauma from childhood find that CBT is of very limited help for the flashbacks. Talk therapy with a trauma informed therapist could help more.

Thank you so much, really appriciate it :)

I use to view my flashbacks as a symptom of ptsd that needed “fixing”, now I have moved away from the medical model and view them as a healing process. These memories and feelings are coming back to me so I can process and understand them from an adult perspective. It’s really helped me heal. It also takes away the fear factor when they are happening, I can sort of “step out” of them and be curious and observe what’s happening, and then discuss them with my therapist later in the week.

@Sunflower8848 i really like this idea, thank you xx

Oh this is excellent advice!

Sending solidarity and support, obviously can't diagnose over the internet but this does sound a lot like ptsd or c-ptsd and the good news is that trauma based talking therapy and EMDR can be hugely helpful and healing. You've been really brave to identity and understand these symptoms and perhaps this will be the beginning of a time of healing and acceptance and change for you. You could go to your GP of course but if you have any funds available I'd throw them into getting proper trauma focussed help. If you haven't read 'The Body Keeps the Score' you may find it helpful but please know that it can triggering (in the true sense of the word) and you may see a lot of yourself in the pages which can be challenging.

Well done for all the courage and resilience that has got you to this point, sending many good vibes your way for your journey onwards xx

This is beautiful and helpful advice, thank you for sharing this and hopefully it'll help OP and others as it's helped me.

EMDR can be very helpful for PTSD. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy#:~:text=Eye%20movement%20desensitization%20and%20reprocessing%20(EMDR)%20therapy%20is%20a%20mental,or%20other%20distressing%20life%20experiences.

@bethepeace thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance- I can’t tell you how much it has helped me. Will defo order the book too xx