ADHD diagnosis as an adult

[HereWeGo22]

I'll try to keep this short but I'm sorry if it goes on abit.

Where do I start...I am a single 37 y/o lone parent to a wonderful son with autism who is also undergoing assessment for ADHD.

When I say I've had to fight for him, I've had to fight all the way. Every one was against me and it got really nasty (i nearly broke) until the professionals got involved and they saw he was neurodiverse from his initial appointments (its so bloody obvious). When he got his diagnosis earlier this year I cried as I knew all along, but he has had to suffer nearly his entire primary education being let down. It was also here I was told he would now be assessed for ADHD, which again doesn't surprise me at all.

Following his autism diagnosis very little has changed in terms of support professionally however school are now fantastic. Sadly the professionals fell away straight after diagnosis which didn't make sense to me as they now want to assess him for ADHD, so he has been accepted back on their caseload as a new patient. However I feel a huge weight has been lifted with his diagnosis (no one can say im making it up) and now we have his EHCP he finally has a chance to learn self management techniques in his childhood to hopefully make his adulthood life easier for him.

Anyway for the last 18 months or so I've been convinced I also have neurodiversities but I've been pushing it aside to support my child really struggling himself. More so now than ever, I am convinced I am ADHD also but I am so scared to address it in case it hinders any support my son will receive/not receive in case they tell me it's learnt behaviour.

I usually joke to my friends saying something along the lines of 'I'm convinced I have ADHD but it'd be pointless exploring it for me as it wouldn't change anything' and then I make fun of how I am, but it's really not a joke. It's getting me down. I am irritable and my mood is erratic. My time management and organisation is embarrassing. I have to work from lists to try and keep myself on track but even then I start one job and randomly find something else to do. Yesterday I was taking down the Christmas tree. I woke up postive, ready to go. Let's just say the tree got taken down at 10pm last night after finding really irrelevant/unnecessary things to do throughout the day, none of which we even a thought in my mind. But this is pretty much every day. I feel so overwhelmed but have so little motivation, but I don't seem to be able to stop moving or doing something that isn't something I need to even do! I always struggle to get going and when im finally ready to go i find myself completing tasks into the night after spending the entire trying to get myself on task. I'm also getting myself in to credit card debt by impulsivie buying in bulk of things which I dont need. I'm forgetful, lack attention, and I feel like im absolutely swamped. I really could go on and on but it's getting me down now, alot!

It's got me wondering if I have always had these problems. I don't feel I was this bad in my childhood but I was extremely obsessive and meticulous in everything I did. I was almost like I had learnt to self manage as I only had the responsibility of myself. In early adulthood my relationships with partners and friends have been affected and I now sometimes wonder if this is because of undiagnosed ADHD. Now though, I am literally finding everything hard and I'm thinking it's because managing my son's needs/symptoms are also affecting/heightening mine? Is parenting harder when you have additional needs of your own? And even more when your child has needs too?

I'm sorry if this post is abit all over the place but it's abit like my brain sadly. I have an appointment tomorrow with my GP to discuss sertraline medication which I was put on a month ago to address my mood, but am wondering if I bring up these thoughts too? Over the course of the last 15 years I have been medicated on and off the mental health difficulties which no amount of medication, counselling/CBT has had any affect. Another reason why I am wondering if there is more to going on. I'm not saying that mental health doesn't play a part but I do think more is going on.

Do I discuss this with my GP or do I leave it? I'm absolutely terrified I will be made to feel a bad parent and after experiencing the worst accusations when trying to get my son help I never want my parenting to come under fire again.

Thanks for reading

I have adhd, you could have it too but have you considered autism also?

You being ND should not affect your son please don’t worry, a diagnosis doesn’t mean there will be repercussions

Worth asking the GP - the waiting lists are long, but even longer if you're not on them! referrals tend to get bounced without a clear description of how the symptoms affected you at under the age of 12, so I'd write some stuff down - if you have anything like old school reports that say you need to stop daydreaming that's helpful! You could also download this and take a completed one with you. https://add.org/adhd-questionnaire/

If you can afford private I would. have found meds life changing.

Also with adhd you need to have had symptoms before the age of 12. Speak to family to see what you were like then.

Get life insurance and any kind of health insurance before you speak to your GP cos it puts up your premiums x

Speak to your GP. My diagnoses (autism and adhd) have been life changing.

and no, seeking help will in no way trigger social services or anything like that.

Exceptionally unusual for health insurance to cover neurodiversity - most don't cover any mental health. but agree re life insurance if you don't have it already.

Thanks for the responses. I feel like I want to cry as i feel so overwhelmed. I don't really recall much from my childhood other than how obsessive I was very OTT with everything I did

I've had life insurance in place since my son was born.

Do I just bring it up during my appointment?

Many private health insurances won’t cover tests for ND/ADHD so it’s worth exploring the cover before paying out.

OP, there is no harm putting yourself forward for the assessments, it’s a very long road as you already know for your son and you also know it’s not a magic fix.

I found EDMR therapy absolutely the best type of therapy I have ever had, it was enlightening and made so much room for how I feel in my own head.

Don’t think you need mention it if you’ve got insurance in place already. Just any condition increases your health type insurances - critical illness was another one and income protection - they might just add blanket exclusions for MH conditions.
for GP just speak to them and you’ll probs need to do a screening questionnaire that they’ll send off to whoever does the actual assessment - usually adult psychiatry but different areas have different services. The Gp doesn’t diagnose so you don’t need to convince them. You can ask for “right to choose” assessment via an online or national organisation if you have a long wait for assessment in adult psychiatry locally.
look up right to choose on adhd uk

From what you’ve said autism, anxiety and OCD might be other elements to look at

So I'm not going mad.

I really dont want to be blamed for my son's ND's. I'm scared they will say its learned behaviour

They wouldn't say that as its known to be hereditary.

The comment about having to of had symptoms before 12 has thrown me a little as nothing obvious is springing mind other than what I have mentioned.
My school reports were generally good as far as I can remember, I was well behaved and always did my best, I had friends but was more of a follower/a pleaser. I was desperate to fit in so hid in the background as much as I could. My parents wouldn't be able to help either as we aren't a particularly close family. We kept ourselves to ourselves, had to be independent from early teens and was mocked (i guess) for being OTT, obsessive. I remember the ridicule over my OCD was particularly nasty. My parents are also of the generation that ND doesn't exist. My brother is 100% ADHD. Even at school it was so obvious but nothing was done. He was textbook and I think back and feel sad he has gone his entire life not understanding himself. But for myself I literally sunk into the background and just managed through. It's only into my adulthood that I find I am really struggling with how I am

That's not unusual in parents and having their support isn't needed. But if you didn't have any issues with focus or impulse control at all before the age of 12, even when you think back in retrospect, then ADHD is maybe less likely. Girls do mask things though. Did you ever binge eat? That's quite a common manifestation of impulse control issues in girls. Did you develop odd coping strategies to learn at school - in retrospect I realise that I did a huge amount of rote learning, which caused issues in higher education when I had to come back to the same topic and build on previous knowledge, which wasn't there any more.

Yes my eating became out of control during my teens which turned into very disordered eating from 17 onwards, then binge eating from 20's to 30's.
It is going to sound odd but I don't remember much about my childhood other than being extremely obsessive/ott/hyperfixated. I will see if my parents have my old school reports

Control has always been an issue though but has got particularly bad in my adulthood. Not feeling like I'm in control of myself makes me really panicky and ill

Op when I was a child I used to carry all of my school books with me at all times to prevent me forgetting them. Sometimes I'd follow friends to the wrong class. Forget my instrument. Get called a daydreamer or lazy by family even though I felt I was using all of my energy. Does any of that sound familiar?

You’re more than a single diagnosis and lots of factors will influence how you present. I’m officially diagnosed as autistic and as having ADHD. I loved school and won many awards for my effort and attainment. Being autistic I had a very strong sense of right and wrong and managed my hyperactivity in a socially acceptable way by nipping to the loo A LOT.

If you ask your GP to refer you to Psychiatry UK via the Right to Choose pathway you’d have your assessment in months rather than years.

Yes all that does sound familiar and the regular toilet breaks too. I'd take myself away several times and wander around the long way back to classes.
I suppose I don't really pick up on it as I sort of self managed. Witht the organisation every was packed, ordered and lined up to go the evening before. Everything was planned well ahead so I knew where I stood/what was going on

Hiya. Just to update. GP was incredibly helpful and very supportive in me exploring the possibilities of ND. I've been asked to complete a questionnaire which they will then send off to be screened to see if assessment is necessary.

I feel so relieved I was listened to

Sorry, can I just ask. Though I'm mentioned here I suspect I have ADHD, others have mentioned the possibility of other things. When discussing with my Doctor I wasn't dismissive of MH or any other ND, I actually requested advice on how to access assessment for ND's. The questionnaire is for ADHD. Is there different avenues with other NDs or is your case assessed on your answers to the ADHD questionnaire and a decision to assess to whichever is made then?