i feel so scared

[zain]

hi it has been ages since i have spoken to anyone on here , i hope all is well.
I just need reassurance that i will one day begin to feel human.
i have been on ad for 4 yrs and a month ago i had to have them increased, at the beg it was all daunting but some people really helped me on this site.
Now i can feel myself being swallowed into that big black hole again wgere i am extremely sad and scared, but i must not show my 3 children how down i am feeling as i dont want to worry them.
I would have thought that by now i should be feeling much better,but i am not is this normal please someone let me know if you have experienced this , im scared the meds are not working

Sorry I have not experienced personally but have friends who have and I believe it is true that you will feel more human in time, sorry to hear this has been going on 4 years though. Hope someone with more support and advice can arrive soon, I didn't want you to feel ignored!

thank you its always reassuring when i hear these things

and dear b1977 i hope you never experience this

Hi Zain im sorry to hear you're feeling like this. i was on ad's a couple of years ago and i know how hard it can be. anxiety is a big part of depression and i remember feeling so scared myself and feeling that i was losing my mind. maybe the medication you are on needs changing or adjusting. i found talikng to people helped enormously. just talk talk talk. if your finding it hard to keep up the 'pretence' of being normal in front of your children could someone else help you out so that you can have a bit of a break? I am fine now. i'm not taking them anymore.it was a difficult road but with the right help and support you will get better. i used to find night times particularly difficult as my anxiety got worse then. i just used to keep reminding myself that everything looks different in the morning. i hope this has helped a little, you will get better, most people do, have a chat with your GP X

Hi Zain, I just wondered whether there has been something that set the last bout of depression off - has something occurred to make you feel worse?

For me, my grandmother's death and returning to work after DS3 sent me into the black hole after being on ADs for 4 yrs. I had to switch to a stronger med and have a massive dose before I began to feel normal again.

The meds do help (as you know) but sometimes there needs to be a fundamental change in your life to enable you to live without ADs. Have you had any CBT/counselling?

Sending you big hugs and positive vibes.

i am seeing my gp this week and she is very helpful, thank you elliedeb

i truely dont know what triggered all of this off again i wish i did all my family are well and very understanding.
will i ever feel happy and lighthearted gloriana

firstly, zain i'm sorry you are feeling this way. are you going for counselling at all? ads can keep us holding on and you may need some sort of a readjustment but perhaps there are emotional problems upsetting you that medication simply cannot change.

Yes you will but it's part of feeling ill to feel like you will never be happy again, the meds won't work and that you will be on them forever.

I agree that you should perhaps try another medication if this one is not working for you. If you are on an SSRI, you can try an SNRI which helps with Seratonin and Dopamine (I think!). Get through each day as it comes and ask your GP for some diazapram for the really anxious times. This will take the edge of the anxiety and help you to relax.

You may need to ask your GP if you can see a specialist - psychiatrist if possible. And ask if there is any possibility of CBT as this really helped me become aware of my negative thought processes.

Best of luck - this disease really is hell. xxx

thank you gloriana

Wishing you all the best.

One other thing that I wanted to mention was have you got help/support from dh/family/friends? They may need to know that you are having a bad spell and that you need their help right now.

Zain, sorry to take so long to check but are you OK? Have you seen your GP?

Take care
xxx