How can I cope with this?

[purpledaze24]

Wasn’t sure whether to put this in the parenting or MH section. Feel free to correct me if it’s in the wrong place. I have been separated from my ex for over a year and have been 50/50 Co-parenting for the same amount of time. I have BPD and severe depression (but historically this has only come in bouts every few months). I am so close to my 4 year old DS, he’s my whole world and he’s the only thing that I stay alive for I’m ashamed to say. This past year has been so awful that if it wasn’t for my son I’d definitely have killed myself. I did try once but the guilt I felt for doing that to him made me feel so awful I vowed never to do it again.

My ex and I spilt the week in half so some weeks I go 4 days without seeing him. He just had his 4th bday. He cries often when my ex comes to get him and clings to me. I can’t bear being apart from him. I used to work but I had to give that up as I was so depressed. It’s got so bad that I now just stay in bed and cry all day when I don’t have him. I know that sounds pathetic but I genuinely can’t help it. It triggers a severe mental Heath response in me. I’m already on meds but afraid to try and get further help in case in goes against me if there’s ever a court case (we have no legal agreement currently). I don’t know how to cope without him and so scared I won’t be here much longer if I don’t find a way. I’ve asked if my ex would consider me having him just two extra days a month but it’s a hard no.

Hi @purpledaze24,

Sorry to hear this.

It must be immensely horrible being without your little boy. It’s interesting that you don’t have a legal arrangement - I would post on the legal section as there are lots of experienced mumsnetters who might be able to help you find out if you would get a better custody arrangement down the legal route? I would also hope that any mental health help wouldn’t count against you but I don’t know have any knowledge of that. I would definitely suggest getting some counselling to help though.

How far away are you and the ex living?Can you try and ask for an agreement so it’s not so long in one go? Maybe when you negotiate try and focus the agreement being about DS and it being too long for him away which is why you think he’s acting up.

I think it should get better in time but I understand the more it builds in your head the more you’ll struggle with the separation.

I think you have to get into a routine and keep yourself as busy as you can. Try and keep the focus on DS in your head - he’s ok and just building a relationship with his dad. It’s hard but this is time for you and will make the time with him more special etc.