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Original poster

My mother is abusive to me 54 years of anger towards me

23 replies

Meme54 · 27/12/2023 01:53

Christmas Eve was awful
My mother who’s always been abusive towards me with her tounge came to my house.
She screamed at me for 15 minutes- out of the blue as always.

Said she doesn’t like me.

Said she never wants to see me with her own eyes again.

That I’m dead to her.

She said I told everyone I had breast cancer when I didn’t, I had DCIS & surgery and annual mammograms,
I didn’t tell anyone I had breast cancer per sae it was pre cancerous cells she told people I had breast cancer to get attention.
I went through tests waiting rooms anxiety surgery in Covid - she was not there for me.ladles loose breasts to DCIS she seems to really hate me.

She did this Sunday as her ex friend upset her Saturday night.

Shes done this many times as men she dates she falls out with. As friends annoy her as they’d a Y in the day.

She does this regularly my whole 54 years to me.

When I had sepsis in late pregnancy in 2015, she came into ICU where I was - I’d lost baby she brought my then 15 year old daughter in which terrified her I was hooked up on machines 8 blood transfusions
My mother said
“ You know couples split up after losing babies like this “ - me seriously ill with sepsis lost my baby and her hoping my husband and I would split up.

Ive had her shout at me so so so so many times as she was angry with someone else …. In my face when my children were small was awful as she had marriage problems.

My brother died 3 years ago an alcoholic, a lovely man he used alcohol to survive our awful childhood, my dad a volient drunk my mum a battered wife but abusive with her mouth.
Me I developed chronic anxiety, crippling ibs depression and people pleasing.

Mother said to our family she doesnt like my brother he’s selfish drinking and is like my father when he was alive.
I says No he is ill - he has an illness & nothing like our father who died 54 my brother was 53.

I feel so sad the way she screamed at me yhus time was awful, my poor dog was shaking it really bad.
I did nothing ….
I’m a people pleaser ….
I’ve cooked Christmas dinner every year since I was 19 for everyone .
I do all the birthdays
Mothers days
Christmases
Easter
She refuses

Sorry had to get this out my head my heart hurts so bad I’ve crippling depression anyway

I’ve fibromyalgia so today I feel really poorly along with my eldest daughter with an abusive man my head is really fuzzy & im feel really exhausted and feel sick.

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 27/12/2023 01:58

OP that sounds appalling; you understand her very well. She is damaged and is carrying on hitting out. That’s no good to you. Just say no and don’t see her again for as long as it takes. You are ok; she’s not: you don’t need to please her.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/12/2023 02:03

Cut her out of your life. It's the only way forward.

RantyAnty · 27/12/2023 02:09

It's ok to cut her out of your life.

It really is!

auntyElle · 27/12/2023 02:24

You might find this thread helpful: December 2023 - So we took you to stately homes www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4966179-december-2023-so-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

Mudflaps · 27/12/2023 04:52

You poor thing, I just want to give you a hug (a gentle one, I've got fibro too so gentle hugs). Your mother will not change but you can, it'll take strength and tenacity but with help you can do it. You can change, grow stronger and cut her out of your life, no contact at all, ever. You did well to survive childhood and I'm sure you are a good mother, other posters will come along with more knowledge and ideas of where you can get help and counselling, I'm assuming you are in the UK and I'm not but I couldn't not comment. Please try to relax a little, better times are coming and hopefully you'll have nothing to do with your mother going forward

Mercurysinretrograde · 27/12/2023 05:20

OP today is a new day. Tidy your house as best you can and get ready for the new year. It needs to be a year of change and you need to make some plans. Ignore all contact from your mother and start putting yourself first. Your daughter thinks it’s ok to be in an abusive relationship because that is what she is seeing and modeling her life on. So just stop. No more hosting stuff, no more contact with your mother, no more people pleasing. Make “no” your friend. It takes a bit of time and a mind shift but you will be so much happier. I also had to cut out an abusive mother and it is very hard, but I had a much better life without someone constantly putting me down and making me feel like I deserve nothing. Good luck OP 💐

Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 12:17

@Mercurysinretrograde

@Aquamarine1029@Fleetheart@Mudflaps@RantyAnty@auntyElle

Thankyou for your kind replies and taking the time to support me, it’s appreciated.
my mum always indicates she doesn’t want to be here anymore after she loses her temper as I suffer anxiety it’s been a tough 3 days.

my son in law daddy to my grandchildren hung himself so it’s more real.

shes block me & my children which is what she always does.
my children don’t want to know anymore as they’ve seen this so often.

@auntyElle thankyou for the link the tread is a help.

Thankyou xx

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 27/12/2023 12:20

Please, please cut this awful aggressor out of your life OP.

Have you had any therapeutic support to help you process your hideous childhood?

salsmum · 27/12/2023 15:29

PLEASE PLEASE STOP ALL CONTACT! your DM failed to protect you as a child and now abuses you as an adult. 🤬 I quite expect when you know she is coming to visit your fibromyalgia flares up which leaves you both physically and mentally exhausted. You say you are a people pleaser so am I BUT cf treat your kindness as a weakness and some people cannot be pleased no matter how hard you try. Please get your DM out if your life and only then can you find peace. ❤️💐

Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 15:37

No I’ve had therapy fir anxiety and ibs nothing else I’m booking matrix remapping next year therapy that heals you from childhood trauma

Thankyou fir your kind comment xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 15:42

@salsmum

Thankyou for your kindness I’m sorry your a people pleaser too

yes when I meet up with her my arms have chronic pain really bad started this year
tbh lots treat me badly this year I’ve removed some which is hard for me.

yes I am now she said she doesn’t like me or my husband but years in end she had all special occasions done for her in our house she last did christmas 1985 for me I was just 16 - tells me why should she she had her years of Christmas work , I’ve done 35 years of it all and screamed at by her

you’re right I have to now stop this 💜 xx

OP posts:
Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 27/12/2023 15:45

Been nc with both dps for 20 years. Very good for your mh ime op...

Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 15:49

@Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob

how did you feel at first I need to nc my father died aged 54 volient alcoholic don’t dm. Thankyou x

OP posts:
TiredOfSayingItAgain · 27/12/2023 15:51

Bloody hell, OP. Why do you bother with her at all? Cut all contact, don't see her at all. She ISN'T a mother in any sense of the word.

Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 15:53

@TiredOfSayingItAgain
i dint know I hadnt thought of that until now

Thankyou - seems logical in black and white xx

OP posts:
Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 27/12/2023 15:54

With df I moved and didn't give him my address! He has no idea how many dc I have. Dm wrote me Woe Is Me letters. I read the first one but binned the rest. She gave up contacting me.

Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 15:56

@Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob
well done proud of you

yes I know this time it’s sadly got to be the last time xx

Thankyou 💜💝

OP posts:
Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 27/12/2023 15:58

Make tonight the last time you give her head space. Grieve the dm you wish you had and box her away. Along side the bad memories. And move on.

Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 16:06

@Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob
yes I do agree she usually says I don’t want to be here anymore after her abuse to me

that alone gives me chronic anxiety keep think police would come to my house all Christmas xx

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 27/12/2023 16:24

You've not been put on this earth to be her punch bag, verbal or otherwise, OP.

You wouldn't put up with it from a friend or stranger. There's no need to put up with from family either.

It's not easy to unravel decades of abuse and conditioning, but it is possible.

Make 2024 the year you get support to look after yourself.

Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 16:34

@CantFindTheBeat

thankyou
yes I agree it’s a life time of abuse

OP posts:
Howbizzare22 · 27/12/2023 16:41

The sooner you cut this abusive narcissist out of your life the sooner you can start healing. I’m sorry the individual in question is your mother OP but it doesn’t excuse her. Blood is not thicker than water at all. Best of luck- you deserve happiness and you will not find it while you maintain a relationship with her.

Original poster
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 17:00

@Howbizzare22

Thankyou that’s really kind of you I won’t be going back to the life before xx

OP posts:
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