Stuck in a massive rut

[MyDogsPaws]

Im so miserable and unhappy and I really want things to change but I feel like i’m
trapped I’m a rut that I can’t get of. It doesn’t help that i’m so tired all the time and everything feels like such hard work.

I’m a single parent of 3 young children had a few awful years with a close bereavement, divorce, my child being unwell with a chronic condition (lots of emergency hospital admissions), failed the degree I started with the aim of trying to change things to name a few of the issues I’ve had.

I’m on a really low income, I live in a horrible cold falling to bits council house that I can’t afford to make it look nice,I struggle to keep
on top of housework so it’s always a horrible mess. I’m self employed but I hate my job so much I’m that just thinking about it gives me anxiety but I have no childcare help so can’t get another job, my kids are kind of a nightmare but I don’t feel like I have any energy to give them the attention they need so just going through the motions everyday and failing them all spectacularly. I used to be really health conscious and had a very healthy lifestyle but I’ve become really overweight and struggle to exercise now and my physical health is starting to suffer because of it.

I was diagnosed with depression last year and put in sertraline but I couldn’t keep up with the appointments I needed to keep getting the prescription, it was just another massive hassle I couldn’t deal with so stopped taking it, not sure it was really helping to be honest anyway.

If I could just get in top of my house or my job or health or anything at all, things wouldn’t seem so bad but everything feels so hard and overwhelming. I’m so tired and have absolutely no motivation to do anything, if I could stay in bed all day I would. How do you get out if a rut like this is, is it even possible once things have got this bad?

From reading your post I’d say you need to be on the antidepressants. Sometimes, when you have a MH problem, you can’t see that it’s affecting you that much, and you blame other things.
So one step at a time, get back on it and commit to it for 3/6 months.

A single parent of 3 young children would be tough anyway, esp if they/you have health problems. That is enough without all the other things going on. It's too much for one person. To paraphrase an old peter cook/ dudley moore sketch ' you are taking on a role as a 'single' person that would seem to need a minimum of 2 persons to fulfil.
If we had a decent caring, sharing society/community.... and friends and family that helped then it wouldn't be a problem. But we don't and it is.
Once we get overwhelmed and things snowball it's easy to give up and see no future. Even more so these days.

I don't completely diss antidepressants. It might be worth trying to get back on them. But i think you need some practical help with the kids, the house, the degree, the job, exercise, eating properly etc etc. Are there charities that could offer practical help. It's easy to spiral down to a very dark place esp with the way the world is going. You need someone to shine a bit of light into your life ie practical help and give you a helping hand. Perhaps people could suggest a few. Wishing you all the best.

Sorry to hear you struggling. You are dealing with a lot.

Are you claiming UC? As that will pay towards childcare costs.

I think you need to tackle things one at a time otherwise it's all a bit overwhelming. I'd start with talking to your GP about the antidepressants and explain how you've struggled to keep upto date with the appointments as there's likely a way around that.

I’m sorry you’re feeling that way but honestly the only way to start feeling better is take some ownership of yourself and start making changes. Start with medication and health, the fitness, then job. Keeping a house clean isn’t that hard, doesn’t really cost and will make you feel better straight away. I think when you hit where you are you have to realise that no one is going to save you except you. Dust yourself off and just start somewhere. Sounds harsh but I’ve been there and looking back I deeply regret the moping around I did waiting for something or someone to help. They won’t. Do this for yourself.

Do your kids see their dad/s?

Different situations but I'm single mother to 3. A year ago I felt very like this was drowning and had been for a while. Hated my life, wanted out of it but stuck as I'm a mother. I eventually got some carer hours for my disabled child who's out of school and I told the other dad if he doesn't step up and see his kid I will be giving him the baby and I will pay him maintenance. I had to tell everyone I can't cope I'm having a breakdown help me or these kids will be in care because I can't survive much longer.

I wasn't depressed because of a chemical imbalance in my brain I was depressed because life shits on single mothers and disabled children.

Anyway I now get every other weekend (ish) Friday night to Sunday morning with no kids. There has been a massive backlog of stuff to het done as I've had no support for so long. After a couple months using my time off to mostly to sleep I started tackling one room at a time and doing a solid half day on chores and the rest relaxing time. After a year I feel human and not drowning. Life is still shit but now their dads have the kids and my house is finally in good order I'm ok.

One thing I do is on my free weekend I spend the Friday evening batch cooking for the next 2 weeks. I enjoy cooking so without kids underfoot it's like me time but it saves me sooo much time in the week. I then also never clear up the kitchen in the evening, I do it at breakfast while kids eat I catch up. Toilet gets cleaned as I use it and see it needs it then a big clean once a fortnight on my weekend off. It's about time management, you will have your own priorities what needs to het done amd work around that. When my baby was crawling i had to vacuum and mop daily but now he's toddling about not sticking everything in his mouth i mop fortnightly or before guests arrive. Im not lazy or selfish im surviving single parenthood without adequate support. You need to change your thinking, yes it's hard and you are struggling but that's not because you are weak!! You are doing super well working as a single parent!

I heard two saying that have helped me "if it takes less than 5 minutes do it now" and "don't put it down put it away". This has made my fortnightly big clean much less of a task 😂