How to cope in stressful situations?

[Lollibert]

I have never been able to cope well in a stressful environment, things that don’t usually cause other people stress can make me lose my mind I like things to remain the same, I like peace I like quiet, I like order, when faced with stress it’s like I go into fight or flight, I either get extremely angry and triggered, or nervous and extremely anxious and sweaty, if I planned to do something on a certain day and one thing goes wrong, it could be something. As simple as not being able to find my favorite pair of jeans, I will get extremely stressed about that and then everything is cancelled, and I would have to go lay down to mentally recuperate, probably cry a little bit, when I use to work before my baby was born, if me and my DH had an argument that morning I’d cancel all appointments that day because for some reason I can’t seem to function as a normal adult if one stressful thing happens is anyone else like this ?? Are there better ways to cope? My ways of coping right now are just cancelling everything and stay home

I'm like this. It's because I'm autistic. Can't cope with change, including changes to plan. Not unless there's plenty of warning, like days. It's a symptom.

Finding calm in chaos is challenging, but try incorporating deep breathing and mindfulness techniques, prioritize self-care, and communicate openly with loved ones to build resilience in the face of stress.

I'm quite like this. I found DBT really helpful, you learn about emotional regulation and distress tolerance and I found I could gradually learn to react differently to things and get less overwhelmed. Try googling DBT, you should be able to find some resources about it for free and see if any of it clicks with you. Unfortunately it's very seldomly offered on the NHS and many people have to pay to have the therapy privately. Hopefully the available resources that are free would be somewhere to start for you.

I'm like this, and it has been terrible over the last weeks and days. Although anxiety is something I have been prone to all my life, I do feel that it is worse now and that the worsenig is the result of stress -- the repeated exposure to situations that are more than I can handle.
It feels like the 'flight or fight' responses that occur in relation to each distinct moment of anxiety arousal each leave their mark in the body and mind, so that eventually you get to a horrible hair-trigger state of permanent cognitive and emothional overload.
I can't bear it. Bereavement a few years ago, dad seriously ill now, a car incident on christmas eve when someone pulled out from a T-junction into the side of my car. All I want now is full-on anthesthetising. I want to be unconsious, not here, because very part of my mental processing is on fire.

What you've described is very familiar to me. Some of us are hyper sensitive, no one has mentioned trauma yet but that's relevant.
I agree with another poster who recommended DBT. This site has fantastic free resources if you are able to devote some time to working on yourself.
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Tolerating-Distress

It's tough being as you describe so well. Hugs.

I had some person-centered therapy - it saved me. I use to shake all day long from anxiety. Having a calm, warm, caring person hold space for me once a week helped regulate my emotions. It was like osmosis, her calm infected me and I now I am so chilled I don’t even recognise myself!

As PP have said, you can't self-regulate yet. You are shutting down for hours when something happens to dysregulate you. This can be improved though.

When children arrive in my setting (autism specialist) they are often unable to self-regulate and can take hours, even multiple days, to fully recover from a meltdown or shut down. We help them learn to use self-soothing and cognitive techniques that work for them (different for everyone) and the vast majority can learn to massively reduce the time it takes to re-regulate.

You may need some help to learn some strategies that work for you, but it is possible.

@AshleyBlue omg i also need days/weeks notice if I have to do something or go somewhere so I can mentally prepare myself that I have to do that on that certain day, DH complains a lot that he wishes I could be spontaneous sometimes but I just can’t I need days/ weeks to prepare

I can identify with you too. I would love to take things in my stride but get anxious about things that I even want you to happen and this spoils everything. I want you to be welcoming and relaxed but feel edgy and exhausted