i am a mental health practionner and work 3 days/week with young people. Although it can be hard it’s meaningful and I love my work.
i have 2 daughters 5&2. My partner is a deeply kind man but struggles with depression anxiety and moderate internal panic. Since Covid his entertainment career ended and he’s started his own business. He’s working really hard and v stressed about money. Times are hard for lots of people now but it feels like everything is so extremely hard for him. He had an awful
Childhood and some really tough adult patches. He doesn’t seem to have the ability to cope or for things to just be ok. i just have this horrible feeling of being unsafe emotionally and insecure financially in this relationship and theres no great sex anymore. probably because i feel
unsafe i have no libido or desire for intimacy
He's very sensitive and that was one of the reasons I fell so deeply in love with him. Sadly now this sensitivity is just overwhelming me and him both
most days when i get home he has something to groan or gripe about. some days he cries and breaks down when
the kids are asleep.
at the end of a day at work, after kids are asleep and the chores done i have nothing left and am cold, distant and aloof. i hate myself for not being more available or kind or warm but i cant help wondering how much brighter my life would be if i was with someone who could cope a bit more and share positive stories of their day sometimes. or even just be resilient enough to cope without offloading to me. he is depressed, works alone, v socially isolated yet finds it very hard to take steps to change / imrpove the situation.
we are in a stuck dynamic now of him
not coping and me always having to be calm. ive suggested couple counselling hes open altho we cant really afford it. this month weve used 1/3 of our savings to cover outgoings because things are tough
my questions are
how can i shift the dynamic so he feels strong and so i can be vulnerable. i think this is probably contingent on him
being less depressed.
im not ready to leave the marriage but
how long do i stay with someone who is so
afraid of change or stuck and scared? and how much do i absorb and catch his fear?
hes brilliant with the kids but i know they feel my emotional distance to him.
what a pickle im in! any mumsnet wisdom greatly appreciated