I'm in the midst of a mh crisis due to a bereavement in May. Saw GP Wednesday the next day a phone call with MH team led to the crisis team coming out as I have malnourishment and serious OCD that I didn't state during the gp appt. (I didn't know I thought I was seriously depressed)
I can't swallow because I get the thoughts of fledglings, baby rats/mice and other people's phlegm being in my mouth with the food. I cared for someone who died of Emphysema and what would come out of his throat was blood curdingly awful daily. I've also seen fake 'memories' of my kids choking to death frequently, I also have the experience of food FEELING like cardboard or cotton wool so my body won't swallow it. I don't know how long this has been going on.
I have malnourishment awaiting results of blood tests and given supplements, milkshakes, I have been cold for about about a fortnight but today I'm actually just in a hoodie not under a duvet. I've lost a stone and half and didn't notice. My hair is very thin and I look skeletal and am covered in a layer of dry skin but didn't notice any of this.
Ive been getting bombarded with images and mind's eye moments of my children finding me dead since May, they find me in the bed and then the terror, desperation and fear they experience is replayed over and over. Recently I've started having images of them dead and dying from different causes. I've seen my kids choking, drowning, hit by cars, shot, bombed (due to an obsession with the Palestine situation I'm seeing lots), house fires, fitting and just found them dead in the bed in the morning and I cannot control these images they're like movies in my minds eye. But I feel it all emotionally and I'm exhausted.
I've been told I need therapieS including exposure therapy and I'm terrified of it, how can you make dying or your kids dying not scary? What will happen in these sessions? First session Wednesday
Sorry for the essay