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Had enough

4 replies

Luckylis32 · 18/12/2023 11:20

Hi guys just looking for some advice I feel like I’ve hit a rut in my life some of which I think I’ve brought on myself sorry for the long post but just feel like I need a rant too.

im currently 32 years old and still live at home with mom I was planning on moving out in may after saving up however got told by my job they were selling the company and weren’t sure if someone else would buy or we would get made redundant there still not sure I work 44 hours a week so I’m exhausted by the end of the week however it is reasonably well paid at least for now if I moved jobs it would be considerably less pay.

My mother who doesn’t work has recently decided that due to rising housing costs we live in private rent and our rent is now 750 a month she wants to move to a small village in wales as she feels it would be cheaper she has included me into this without really talking to me about it I have tried explaining my job in care is very well paid and it’s highly doubtful I would get the same money elsewhere also I’m 32 years old I don’t want to live at home forever she shuts me down all the time and basically says we can find a job when you get there even if your unemployed even though I have my own bills while she does receive benefits to what she claims is poor health however I do pay a lot into the house and she will guilt trip me and say things like I don’t know how I’d cope or I’d be homeless if you left My siblings have all moved out and have kids family’s I’ve somehow been left behind and feel awful each time I bring up about moving out.

another problem I have is my older sister she does have two younger sons however doesn’t work at all her partner does however he is what I would call dodgey brings in money doing things illegal they have well over 3000 pound going in each month which is great however feel she takes the pi** for example for her 30th birthday me and my younger sister threw her a party for my 30th she brought me nothing for my last birthday she gave me used bath bombs she gave me my christmas present yesterday I didn’t look the bag just fell open and it’s a cheap used silver make up bag very stained and a half bottle of perfume i just wish she tried it doesn’t have to be something expensive! I brought her children toys she asked for pjs she asked for and sweets and the same for her I got her a oodie which she requested I ended up in tears last night more out of frustration as I’ve made myself broke trying to do something nice for her and her kids which I always do even though they don’t visit other then when collecting gifts and I never receive a Thankyou ever which upsets me even more the children hardly know me which I’ve told other people in the past and I’ve been told you can’t spite the kids and you’ll understand one day if you have your own but my sister will still send out requests for there birthday and for Christmas I don’t know how to tell her no without it causing arguments I’m not a confrontational person where as my sister is she also told me she’s taking the children to London on the 23 and 24th to go and watch a panto meanwhile I’m struggling to feed myself and our mother.

I know a lot of people will say I’ve brought it on myself which I have but I just feel so depressed I’ve spent the last 8 weeks in bed when I’m not working as I feel so lost in life like I have no control at all in my job and personal life like a loser as I have no relationship and have not yet flown the nest or had any children like everyone else has and a doormat for letting everyone walk all over me I was so upset last night with everything I thought about ending my own life and asking myself would it matter honestly if I wasn’t here at all my job would replace me and my mother would cope.

has anyone else been in a life rut or felt like this sorry for the long post I just feel like I need to get it all out

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 18/12/2023 11:25

Loads of people have been in a life rut like this. It's hard to keep the faith but you've got to keep going in the right direction.

Take proactive action. Start looking for a new job now and move into a flat share.

Start saving whatever you can and keep looking for better paid jobs. Put more distance between you and your family.

Keepingongoing · 18/12/2023 16:43

You’ve identified your problems very clearly and it sounds like both your mum and your older sister take you massively for granted. I’m not surprised you feel low but you can change things. And if you’ve got a well paid job, you’re most definitely not a loser.

Have a think about how you want your life to be and then think about steps you can take towards that. Maybe moving out of the home with your mum and into a flat share would be a good first step. That would be an entirely reasonable and normal thing for a person your age to do. And tell your mum you’re not moving to a small village in Wales! If she persists with that plan, there’s a ready made opportunity for you to stop living with her.

Your mum will likely kick off about you becoming more independent, but stand firm and tell yourself you have an absolute right to make a life for yourself. You can’t always have other people’s approval, but going for what you want will give you a lot of satisfaction, pleasure and confidence- and these will compensate.

LilyMumsnet · 18/12/2023 17:04

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly. Flowers

Lochness1975 · 18/12/2023 17:27

This sounds like a tough situation.

Do you feel like you have a responsibility to stay with your mum? Plenty of people your age still live with their parents- I have 3 family members in the same boat.

If you don’t want to move to Wales, then don’t. As a pp has said, look for a flat share. Plenty of people your age are doing this.

What do you want in the long term? Do you have any goals? Aspirations?

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