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Struggle with partners depression

3 replies

Happinessischeeseontoast · 17/12/2023 22:23

We have two kids together and he has had a few bouts of stress and depression but it's been managed well in the last few years.

He's told me recently that he's getting really stressed at work which I've taken on board but it's work related and nothing I can do help with the load. He told me late on Thursday that he was off the next day. I was obviously jealous so did the whole oh no I wish I was! Apparently this was bad as I knew he was stressed so shouldn't have made a big deal of it!

His day off he moaned that he had loads of house jobs to do which I absolutely didn't expect him to do. To try and show support I slept on the sofa on Friday night so I could get up and walk the dog and let him have a lie in as he's a really light sleeper and there's no way I would have got up without waking him. He said he woke up feeling depressed which made me bristle a bit but was happy his day improved later.

Last night he initiated sex when I got into bed an hour after him but he suddenly stopped in the middle and just kept saying he should be asleep then left the room. He come back to get his phone and it was obvious he was going to sleep on the sofa at this point so I said goodnight and he ignored me.

He's been a sack of shit all day.

I feel like depression can't come on this quick and I guess I'm resentful from past experience that this means everything will fall on me again while he gets better. But then he might have had a panic attack or something during sex I just don't know as it could also have been that he couldn't finish because of me. I asked how he is earlier when there was a quiet spell in the house and he said he wants to be alone. I had taken the kids out all day so he had already had plenty of alone time.

I've had lots of family suffer with depression and I want to be supportive and sympathetic but if I'm scrutinizing how he's feeling maybe I'm not at all. It's just exhausting and I wish he would recognize that it fucks the mood of the whole house tbh when I'm treading on eggshells and worrying about the DC disturbing him.

Am I being horrible for doubting things or just weary of it all

OP posts:
Happinessischeeseontoast · 17/12/2023 22:25

Sorry but just to add that sleeping on the couch isn't a big deal in our house. Our sofa is really comfy and we both have a good night's sleep on it and wake up easier in the morning, it's strange! I'm a night owl and if it's a silly time when I'm going to bed I'll sleep on the sofa to avoid disturbing partner and he does it when he has a bad back.

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Squiggles23 · 17/12/2023 23:04

Love your name @Happinessischeeseontoast !

You sound super supportive and caring ❤️

It’s tricky he sounds very short tempered from your message. It does sound like you would be on egg shells and worrying you are saying the wrong thing. That can’t be easy for you at all and there is only so much you can do.

Im not sure what the sex thing was about, maybe he suddenly felt like he couldn’t finish or something and then got down about it.

Is he on antidepressants or other medication? As they can affect libido and ability to climax I think.

Happinessischeeseontoast · 17/12/2023 23:59

No medication, it's all come out the blue for me. It is possible he's been on a downward spiral for weeks/months and just now it's hit deeper. I also feel like there is no leeway for me when I have bad spells. I wouldn't term mine depression, just sadness after bereavement and a definite feeling of not wanting to exist. I don't know whether we are talking about the same feelings as unfortunately there is no accurate way to measure this! But I carried on with the daily gruntwork and spending time with DC and dealt with my issues when I had time to myself which was often crazy hours in the night. Not saying he should do this but there are another three people feeling the fallout of his moods and we're not allowed to help in any constructive way and I just don't want to do this again. But I can't say that because that makes me a selfish tosser.

He tried to be lighthearted before and I just don't give a shit now, gave him a monosyllabic answer in return as he has done for the last 24 hours. Possibly petty but I'm not switching on the niceness for him to then just shun me again.

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