Awkward at work Christmas party

[Tiftly]

Can anyone relate?

I had my work Christmas party last night. I know some of my colleagues but we mostly work remotely and I've only been there for 9 months so I don't have deep bonds with anyone.

I'm quiet but not normally that shy but last night I felt so awkward and clammed up. We were in a busy noisy bar which isn't my scene at all. I couldn't hear anyone properly and felt like I was on the edge of every conversation. Everyone else was chatting and laughing and I just felt completely self conscious and awkward which made me feel even shyer and shyer.

Today I just feel completely deflated and worthless 😞

Aw God. That is completely me. I’ve actually given up on going to our Christmas party now because I find it so excruciating, and I’ve been there years.

Don’t stress over it though, they will all have been drinking and focusing far too much on themselves to think anything of it, not that there’s anything wrong with feeling awkward in a new situation anyway. It’s quite awful they weren’t more friendly and didn’t spend any effort including you tbh. I’d never leave someone out and on the edge of things, probably because I know how it feels though!

Anyway, It could be worse, at least you didn’t get plastered and vom all over the snr partners lap…did you?

Sounds difficult but try to have some perspective there are many worse things that could have happened.

Can you do anything to cheer yourself up this evening? Rather than wallowing in it?...I say that as a pro wallower!

Aww please don’t be hard on yourself. You did nothing wrong. Maybe in a situation like that again, do as I do.. drive yourself there and stay and hour and a half. Give good eye contact, drink tonic in a gin glass and then slip away and cosy on in your PJs xxxx

Thanks do much for replying - you've made me feel better!

I think I'd forgotten how much I hate Christmas parties having not been to one for quite a few years due to covid and working remotely. I just wish I could feel like a normal person and fit in, rather than clamming up ad struggling to find things to talk about. I'm almost 40 and still just never seem to be able to bond like everyone else does and it makes me feel so worthless. I'm so worried about boring people as well.

Anyway, enough wallowing! I won't be going to anymore Christmas parties - it's just not worth feeling like this.

If this is the worst thing that happened to you at your Xmas party I’d be relieved. I don’t know how some members of my company will show their face on Monday! 😧

We are normal persons just different. I can't stand crowds, big family gatherings, loud,noisy pubs etc etc so avoid them when I can. I prefer being happy in myself than unhappy

Bless you that's totally understandable!

It was noisy so you couldn't get to know anyone better despite wanting to.

But you turning up will have added to the good cheer even if you weren't feeling your most sociable.

It's fine to show face and then evaluate how work drinks are going. If not vibing then the evening is officially reserved for a nice bath and pyjamas. If you're having fun then see where it goes. Try and reframe it as it's work, you're not guaranteed to have the time of your life, it's just a bonus if parties do turn out fun.

@Alexavolumedown Yes that's true!

Thanks everyone, I think I do just need to accept that loud busy bars and lots of people are just not, and never will be, my thing, and that's ok. If I hadn't gone I wouldn't be feeling so crap now. But also, you're all right - no one else probably noticed me and I'm making it a bigger thing in my head.