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Mental health

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Original poster

my dd1 been self harming

19 replies

PurpleOne · 15/03/2008 01:59

as it came to light today, she was caught in the toilets at school pinching her arms and backs of her hands.

although i must admit she has been a very difficult child...lying and stealing for the past couple of years. (last event happened 3 weeks ago and she nicked my cashcard)

i took her for a drink tonight (she is nearly 13) she had a couple of cokes, but being away frm the home environment, she did say a little bit.
not enough for me to 'know' but enough for me t understand that there's more going on and it's been going on longer than i knew.

she was caught pinching her skin this morning in class...but ringing around, others have told me she has pulled out clumps of hair in school, kicked herself and even punched herself.

i am so sad for her, i am pissed right now.
no - one to talk to in rl either.

please help us x x

OP posts:

littlemissnobody · 15/03/2008 02:09

Oh purpleone

I posted on your other thread. Can I help?

Original poster

PurpleOne · 15/03/2008 02:42

LMN, course you can help!

I am just so right now though.

Used to self abuse myself, in a dv realtionship. made me feel better...

but my darling dd, she's only 12. she never saw what i got up to either back then.

just need some advice... camhs is rubbish.
i gotta get her to the docs.
camhs do nothing..self obsessed with family therapy..she aint gonna open up. the therapist told me last summer she made a referral for one on one...ha! yeah okay! whatever. still not heard anything.

i have my own misery to sort out (am a depressed drinker) but my dd is whats important right now.

OP posts:

littlemissnobody · 15/03/2008 18:22

Of course you are sad, your baby is hurting

From what you have said there are several good things though: You understand, at least a little, as you have been through this yourself and You want to help her
I am just so sad right now though.

Your camhs sounds rubbish - I know family therapy can work, but ime, children need their own therapy too. Just like adults do. She needs a safe place where she can talk to someone without everyone listening and with no-one judging. Do they not provide counselling for children? I don't suppose you can afford something private?

I think you are right though - you do need to get her to the doctor. She needs a referral to someone who can actually help her NOW. Please make clear that this is urgent. She can't wait for months on end.

And remember to be kind to yourself. Your DD is what is important right now but she needs you to be there for her. Perhaps if she saw you trying to sort out your problem, it might help her too? I know it's a hard thing to tackle.

You sound lovely. I think your DD is lucky to have you.

I hope you are ok today.

noddyholder · 15/03/2008 18:27

Please get help for your drinking I think this would go a long way to helping her.Nothing is more important than her mental health and she is unlikely to love herself if she sees you harming too She needs you more than you need to drink

Kaz1967 · 15/03/2008 21:29

Many English schools have a school nurse attached it may be worth finding out if there is one attached to the school she is at. When I did my children's nurse training 4 years ago the one I was out with was also a mental health nurse. If you chatted to her she might be able to talk to and work with your daughter and give you some support and advice too.

penpotEca · 15/03/2008 22:04

Purpleone... you sound like you have a lot on your plate.

I think your daughter needs someone she can talk to and turn to. Maybe if the therapy thing is too formal/forced you could chat to the school and see if there are any connexions/youth workers who could meet up with your daughter. Also, if she feels she could, maybe you could go with her to the gp and chat things through with them. Knowing you care and they care is a very good first step.

(I'm not sure what camhs is? Sorry if you have already done these kind of things)

I think on a wider scale though your daughters unhappiness is probably linked to your own. Please don't think I'm saying it's your fault. It's not, but you do need to think about yourself and how you can help yourself as well as your dd. Maybe even booking a separate appointment with the gp to talk through your probs would be a good step for you and a really positive thing for you dd to know that you are trying to sort out your troubles as well.

Thinking of you purpleone, and your dd. xx

mamalovesmojitos · 15/03/2008 22:21

how are things today purpleone?

Kaz1967 · 15/03/2008 23:22

camhs stands for children's and adolescents mental health services (I think)

Original poster

PurpleOne · 15/03/2008 23:31

penpot - of course I can see what your saying! I've been on the AD's for years, and dd1 was so happy when I told her I was gonna go to AA. Stopped going as was still drinking and felt such a damn fraud.
camhs is children and adolescent mental health services.

The reasons why I drink is because I am alone. It's just me and the dd's, there is nobody else. I don't even speak to my parents anymore. My mum called dd1 an 'ungreatful little bastard' last time we were together.

I know my baby hurts because we have no family. I don't have a partner and shoulder everything. I don't even go out...and the drinking kinda justifies that for me. Have often wondered for years whether I have bi - polar or not, as I know these things are hereditary.
Going to take to gp drop in surgery first thing Monday. It's all I can do.

OP posts:

Remotew · 15/03/2008 23:33

We have also been through this. DD was 11 and had issues to sort out in her head. I've brought her up and her dad has'nt been interested in her.

Although at the back of my mind I thought it might have been some sort of fashionable fad or attention seeking. I went to the GP with her and she saw a counsellor for initial three session and then did not want to carry on and fortunately it has'nt happened since. 2.5 years later.

I'm just telling you our experience and I think by my taking it seriously it really helped.

You do what you think is right but I feel that self harming should be taken seriously and will show your DD that you care when you seek help.

I hope you can sort through it. Hugs

Remotew · 15/03/2008 23:35

Sorry for x post. The first step is the GP. I was so impressed with the counsellor that she was referred to. It should help you both as well.

littlemissnobody · 15/03/2008 23:52

Am glad you have a plan.

It is hard being by yourself. Being a single parent is tough. When you have no support, it is harder. And when you have emotional problems of your own, it can make things so incredibly difficult.

Please keep posting on here, PO. I hope you get some help on Monday. Are you going on behalf of your DD or about yourself too?

littlemissnobody · 15/03/2008 23:55

PO, my experience of AA is that it wasn't such a terrible thing if you were drinking. Obviously, the point is not to but when I went (and I wasn't there for alcohol abuse) there were people who would say, "I haven't had a drink today" and that was a big achievement - the fact that they drank the day before wasn't judged. I think just going is a big first step. But if it made you feel bad, then obviously it wasn't the right time for you to go.

windygalestoday · 16/03/2008 00:34

i have no advice so ill bump it (((u)))

Original poster

PurpleOne · 18/03/2008 22:02

well, dd1 had her doc's appt this afternoon.

he was great and 'lectured' her. he also referred her for young teen counselling, and will mark her referral as 'urgent'.
dd1 was begging the doc for something to make her feel better, but i'm kinda pleased he said no.
being such a young age, the doc said that she won't develop the skills necessary to cope with stress...i also mentioned that i take them too...it doesn't solve the whole situation and merely papers over the cracks of life.

it went well. doc said about a month / 6 weeks to get an appt.

kind of concerned as dd1 NEVER made any eye contact with the doctor ONCE. sat there chewing her nails and squirming in her seat.
but all in all, i'm pleased with the outcome.

OP posts:

Kaz1967 · 19/03/2008 00:05

I am glad you got such a positive response from GP. Re the not making eye contact he would have noticed that too. I know it's something I do when I an really bad although it can be a teen thing too.

It's also good she asked for something to make her feel better (you are right it is good he did not give her anything) she perhaps accepts she needs help and I hope you get the teen counselling really soon

littlemissnobody · 19/03/2008 02:18

It sounds like things went pretty well, PO. I'm so glad that you may now get the help your DD needs.

I squirm too (and don't make eye contact) when I am in a situation like your DD. I know just how she felt. I hope that she feels a bit of relief now.

Keep us posted, won't you?

And remember to take care of yourself.

mylittlepudding · 19/03/2008 06:34

PurpleOne - I think you are doing the very best you can given the situation that you are in. It's wonderful that you understand and that she can and does approach you. No beating yourself up, ok, and I hope both of you see a bit of improvement soon.

penpotEca · 21/03/2008 18:58

PO- glad to hear the docs app went well and I think your right about it being the best option. Hope the counselling helps her work through things.

And I hope things are going ok for you too. One step at a time, you will get there. Take care xx

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