Husband just told me he is suicidal

[terrifiedandclueless]

He told me whilst our 6yo was playing in the same room (open plan) and started to cry, but didn't want to talk about it. He just said that he'd been reading advice from Mind that said to tell your partner and asked me not to give him advice. I know this is my default response to difficult situations.

I thanked him for telling me and asked him to speak to the GP on Monday. I also said that I want to rethink going away to see my parents with the DC after Christmas. They live 400 miles away and I am supposed to be taking the DC for 5 days. He immediately said that he wants that time alone and it would make things worse if we stayed at home.

He hasn't told me in the context of this conversation, but these are the things that he is dealing with this year:

• turned 40
• had a baby
• DC1 is awaiting ASD assessment
• I'm awaiting ASD assessment
• chronic autoimmune condition
• he's also got epilepsy, but has been controlled long-term by medication
• final year of qualification
• job dependent on government contract that might be ending next year

I am so worried about doing/saying the wrong thing. I believe him and am taking it seriously.

Please can you give any advice. I am trying not to make it about me, but it's really hard. I have some emotional intelligence, but feel very detached when dealing with serious emotional situations. I am really worried that I will make things worse.

I think seeing the GP on Monday is the best thing. He/you could ring 111 if he thought he was going to harm himself imminently.
Im going to assume that he will be given antidepressants, and they will take some weeks to fully kick in. But going away, and some child free time might be best.
Remember that you need support, so do confide in someone.

He is right about not giving advice.
He has been very brave to tell you, so just listen to him and accept what he is saying, without judgement.
You could also encourage him to contact Samaritans or CALM, but don't ask him to report back on whether he calls or what he discusses.
You can also phone Samaritans yourself for support - that is completely separate from him.

One thing that helped my DH accept that his problem was MH, and stop the embarrassment and shame he felt from needing antidepressants, was when the GP told him that 1:3 people in our village was on them. That helped him.

I recently went through a horrific period of suicidal feelings. They can be very distressing. In a way hopeful as you can see he is navigating a lot. But needs to take care of his mental wellbeing.

GP, antidepressants, they may also suggest talking therapy like CBT.

Does his employer have an Employee Assistance Programme?

Someone who works for the NHS (just someone who reached out to me via a social group) did a Safety Plan with me. Have a look here OP, it may help.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/supporting-someone-suicidal-thoughts/creating-safety-plan/

They also explained suicidal thoughts are more common than people think. 1 in 5 will experience them at some point and at any one time 1 in 20 people will be having them.

How has your weekend been OP? Let us know how he gets on today.

It must be really challenging when you are an "advice giver" to be told "don't give me advice". I guess all you can do is listen and try to reassure them that it's their illness not them.