I just feel terrible

[morethanspice]

I just need to tell someone how awful I feel. I don’t know what to do with myself and I’m so lonely despite friends and family. Relationship problems don’t help. I’ve got no interest or motivation for anything anymore. I’m so lonely even when I’m in company. I don’t want antidepressants again, I just want to be normal

Oh lovely. I feel you. One thing I have learned is that there's no such thing as normal.

Yes, there is a 'normal' - it just varies for everyone.

@morethanspice - what's wrong? When did you start feeling this way and was there a trigger?

Abusive marriage horrible divorce and now feeling lost

Don’t rule out antidepressants.

Im currently having a really bad spell and have upped my citalopram from 10mg to 20mg.

If your blood pressure is high youd take medication, same principal if you have an imbalance in your brain.

Please don’t feel defeated by using medication if it can help. Nobody should suffer unnecessarily to such debilitating illness.

I felt very wooden on sertraline and it had awful side effects
Ive worked so hard to get off them but I can’t go on feeling the way I do

My wife said similar about fluoxetine but says it’s far better than feeling mentally overwhelmed.
Everyone on this forum will have their own stories, fears, anxieties that contribute to making life appear unbearable at times. Just know you are not alone in this and things will improve, I say this as someone who is currently feeling sick to pit of my stomach with anxiety at present.
Speak to your Doctor tomorrow and take the first steps towards progress.

Please see your Doctor OP, l am guessing with everything you have been through your reserves are at rock bottom. An abusive marriage can take a long time to recover from, especially as you will have been used to navigating the awful uncertainty involved in that kind of relationship. Are you having g any counselling? If not do consider it and see if your GP can refer you. This time of year makes everything harder, but please put yourself first and only do what you feel you can manage.