I am so sick of these ideas being in my head.

[smurfgirl]

I am still self harming and I have these horrid ideas in my head of what I want to do to myself, and I feel like my safety switch has been turned off or something. Stuff I would never have even considered now seems quite appealing.

This time last week I was in hosp after overdosing and it seems quite appealing again tonight but I can't really and I can't cut myself because df has moved my razors and I keep thinking about pouring boiling water on my feet - which is weirdy. I just want these ideas out of my head.

And yes everyone knows, and I do have help and its recently been reassessed but still.

smurfgirl, I used to do things like that a lot. I'd sit and count out pills or do other stuff, as if taunting myself. And to test myself - would I be able to resist? I have no idea why I did it - writing about it now, it sounds so ridiculous.

I think some ADs can help some people sometimes. But I know they don't always. When I am in a really bad place, the drugs just don't seem to help.

I am 23. Why?

Yeah I pop tablets out sometimes but try not to because have no self control.

This does sound depressing but I have not cut in nearly 2 weeks and the last big thing i did was my OD last Friday.

These things tend to ease with age is all..

No it does not sound depressing not harming yourself despite the thoughts is something you should be really proud of and be able to boast about.

That doesn't sound depressing, SG, it's great. I know it would be better to have never done anything like that but 2 weeks is a very long time.

That's why I had to give all my 'spare' meds to a friend. No self control at all. But in a weak moment last month, I smuggled them back

WHat makes you say that, MonkeyTrousers?

I have heard that before about age actually. I talked about this in therapy and he joked that they stop saying that once you are over the age of 20!

I had a mega phase of hurting myself at about 19 which had been preceeded by bits and bobs as a younger teen. I stopped for a long while and have come back to it and as of late it has been much worse in terms of actual injuries inflicted so my concern is that I am older now, my life is much more stable but I am stil very driven to hurt myself. I am 24 in July and even though i know thats still really young I don't know when it gets to the point that this is just me? Difficult one.

Fair point

Too late to discus now. Have to be up for DS.

I have had two very bad periods of this (and more minor ones in between) - one at 18/ 19 and one at 29/ 30, so I am not convinced. I hope you are right though. I do remind myself that things can't get worse and can only get better, but it is hard when you are resigned to the fact that this is just the way you are.

I understand where you're coming from, about to go to bed but quick post. I used to self harm, still get the urge sometimes. I have scars from it from 10 years ago. Will post more tomorrow but I haven't self harmed in about 6/7 years now.

As I said, I do still get the urge though. I'm not sure that ever goes.

2 weeks! well done.

I used to self harm 10 years ago, am now very selfconscious about the scars. I still get the urge now, usually when very down, or dh is being foul again.

Please don't see sh as all you are, I'm sure there is so much more to you than this. be strong, and only use that kettle to make yourself a cuppa. Things will get better for you.