Peri-Menopause and ADHD - chat/let it out/having a bad day?

[Squeaky2023]

I have been waiting all day for my husband to go out on a work overnighter just so I can have some privacy to have a good cry with no one else involved.
Thanks goodness I'm WFH today. I've done very little, but had another psychiatrist appointment where the doc has told me that the meds that will make me feel better are still unavailable.
No dramas here really, I'm just fed up of being in limbo knowing that I could do better and feel better and waiting for that.
One of the cats has started bullying the other one, I've nearly cried over passwords (minor victory as I sorted it) and Christmas can fuck off. I like to have a laugh and can't usually find the (dark/inappropriate) humour in most things, but not today.
My coping strategy now is to take myself off to my bedroom, when possible, and have an hour to myself.
Adult ADHD podcast on Spotify is proving useful.
Anyway, hi everyone. I hope you are all having a better day.

Can, not can't, where humour is involved. As I say, I'm a bit shit today.

Well I've had a day off work and not done anywhere near as much as I'd hoped so I feel your pain. I know my ADHD makes it hard for me to focus and I try not to beat myself up all the time about it.

Hope tomorrow is a better day!

I've been a master of procrastination by setting up my 2024 bullet journal. Soo many ADHD oxymorons right there 🤣🤣

👋solidarity wave

I don’t take meds anymore. Use high dose caffeine when I need a boost.

busy weeks just do me in. My brain and body just shut off!

I can't wait for meds. I am barely coping. It feels like an extra kick in the teeth that we had to pay a fortune for help because the NHS doesn't care about middle aged women and now there's no available treatment. It's absolutely destroying me. I'm limping on. I'm not sure whether time off work would do me good, but I wouldn't anyway because I'd be at everyone's beck and call then.

Have you been on meds before?

I didn’t find meds did much for me. Higher doses gave me side effects and lower doses made me feel calmer but didn’t help with focus on getting stuff done. I couldn’t take HRT either so life goes on. My GP thought HRT might help
more at this point than stimulants. Life goes on!

I need some hope, SaffronSoup. Just something so that I don't have to work hard to work hard. I'm pining all my hopes on the right meds, because everything is too difficult at the moment.
I did tell DH I was struggling and Christmas just feels too hard. He started to try to "solve it" and got a little defensive, but once I absolved him of any blame, he stopped panicking and the communication and empathy is good again, so we'll get through.

Honestly, I've been feeling really scattered and forgetful too. I actually went online to do an ADHD test. Don't know whether it s the peri menopause or if I really do have ADHD. What's that podcast called again.🤔🤔🤔

Also being setting up my bujo!

And lots of insomnia this week. Not helpful. Wondering if I'll ever sleep past 3am every again.

I was in a cafe yesterday watching two young women patiently setting up their bullet journals - with washi tape and coloured pens and beautiful tiny writing. And I admired their skill but felt grateful I've realised that will never be me!

I fucking hate my life.

I'm angry, all the time. I'm on HRT, but it's not enough. ADHD got so much worse when perimenopause got me, and I'm finding myself hiding away more because I'm not fit to be around people.