Failing life at 36

[clock87]

Hi

im struggling to get through the morning without crying. I feel like an utter failure, I can honestly say I hate my life I’ve never enjoyed ut

at 36 I’m still renting single and struggling to get to the next stage in work

i feel I work hard and have really tried, working on myself therapy working hard at work

but as each year ends those life check points just seem to miss me, it falls into place so easily for others

I feel it’s all my fault, every aspect of life I give so much with little in return… I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong why am I always struggling to get atleast one check point in life accomplished

seeing those younger get it together hurts me

I really want to give up, at times just wanting to end it and throw in the towel.

I feel I will never achieve those things and I’m trying just as hard as everyone else

Whose 'check points' are these? Who set them - you, someone you know, or society? What value would they bring to your life, and what would happen if you said "fuck them, I'll just live my own life?"

36 is still young, and there is no set timescales of life to work by. And being successful at work is not the sign of a successful or happy person.

Focus on doing things that make you happy. If you don't want to be single, try online dating. If you think you're ready then apply for promotions at work (even if you're not successful, what have you got to lose by trying.) and if you don't have one already,
set up an ISA to help save towards a house deposit if you no longer wish to rent, you can put as little in a month as you like. It took me 10 years but I eventually had a deposit for a house.

Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't compare yourself to others.

Trust me. You are young and perhaps more successful in life than many people you see around you! Don't be too hard on yourself, focus on the things you love and enjoy. Take it slowly every day and don't try to do everything at the same time.

Also, pp are right! We all have our individual journeys, don't compare yourself to others. Prioritise your life in a hmway that makes you feel happy and not just to fit in some boxes society puts for us.

You got this! Hugs!

Hello @clock87

I can relate so much to what you say (and I am the same age as you). I hate my job (it's not a career). I have however been lucky enough to enter a lovely relationship this year (actually my very first relationship) so it's not too late for good things to come your way either.

Drop me a DM if you would like a listening ear and to chat.

Wishing you all the best x

You are still very young. Also, e.g. in Germany a lot of people rent their whole life, it's only the UK that's obsessed with property ownership. Relax, you still have loads of time!

OP life is long and full of ups and downs, 36 is young and you have not failed at anything. I had a lot 'together' in my late 20s, a house, kids, husband and a business, things fell apart again in my 30s and I felt like I was back to square one in lots of ways. Now it's coming back together in my 40s. Most of my friends are only starting their families or thinking about trying to buy a house now and we are all early 40s. Ignore other people's timelines, they are meaningless. Figure out what you want your life to look like, work toward that and stop judging yourself.

Hope you’re ok @clock87 💐. You’re still very young! It might be worth you having a think about what the most important thing is that you want to achieve and put all of your energy next year into trying to achieve that one goal. Is the most important thing meeting someone? Loads of people meet their lifelong partner through online dating. If the most important thing is getting a promotion and you can’t see it happening in your current job then your focus next year could be on a job change. Sometimes you just need a fresh start and for a new manager to see you through a fresh pair of eyes. Be kind to yourself. As I said you are still very young! 2024 could be your year where you achieve more of what you want. Enter the year with a positive mindset and hopefully things will slot into place for you. You will be OK!

I think that if you had a difficult childhood it can often take a long time to achieve what others achieve more quickly and with less difficulty.

And in general if you struggle with mental health it can make life feel very hard.

Do you find joyful moments in your day OP?

What would make the most positive impact on your life?
If you want to own your own place do you need to look at a cheaper area and perhaps move to a remote working job so you can move easier? Or even go for a live-in job or possibly even do 6 years in the military to save for a place depending on your health as you are still young enough.

Do you want a child, forgo buying and go for fertility treatment instead although there's no guarantee and it'll make buying alot harder and put your career on hold for a bit

If it's promotion you want are you suitably qualified, ask for a secondment into the role, have some coaching for interview techniques.

Never ever feel like a failure to not own property- people only do if they have family help these days. Even bankers. You have freedom to go anywhere too, although I know you want stability.