Anxiety daily life and kids

[Zeriane]

I already apologise for my bad English, just live a couple of years in the UK .

I can't remember when I ever felt relaxed or really happy. I have massive issues with going outside or speak with people's. Relatives, Neighbours strangers makes me feel , I wanna run away. Sweating, heart beating ears ringing and i never know what to say been really short in answers. I can't look any person's in the eyes it makes me feel I wanna cry, it is so overwhelming. I have no friends and never made any since I was in school and that is 18 years ago... I was 10 years on anti depressants but it only keept my feelings away , made me feel like a robot or zombie.

Since I had my first child 2.5 years ago I stopped taking escitalopram to feel more and be able to show emotions to my son. I couldn't bound with him, still can't. I have often nightmares strangers harm him or abduct him, its awful. I have a daughter she is 1 year old and she is the light of my life she is the only person who gives me a warm feeling and let me smile. But I feel so guilty I can't feel the same for my son even if I spend time with him alone and he is happy and I cuddle him or hug him , there is no strong feeling. I'm so sad.

We only stuck in the house because I'm scared of the outer world and I'm scared of driving a car, even if I made a licence 15 years ago. We live quite rural. The only time we do things is if my husband isn't working. I'm such a shame of a mum, I don't know what to do.

Bless you, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Your English is great by the way!

Could you ask your GP to refer you for therapy/counselling? Or if you have enough money you could find a private one?

I think small steps are important here. Could you go out for a walk if your husband had the children? Maybe even catch a bus somewhere? Perhaps with a friend?

There might be books about anxiety that could help you - either in the local library or online in your native language if that would be easier?

Sorry, I see that getting a bus with a friend could be difficult.

maybe next time you are out with your husband you can look out for local notice boards or leaflets for things going on that you could meet new friends at. Toddle groups etc often have lovely ladies volunteering at them, they would look after you if you explained you were feeling anxious

It could be the cultural shock at play as well. Maybe try finding a small group of supportive people? Local church has toddler groups. You can email them beforehand if you want. There are volunteers who could come and help too. I think some medication can be a good idea you need to keep talking to your GP to find the right one that works for you. Good luck!

Hi @Zeriane,

Sorry to hear that. I agree there might be some culture shock/nerves about English being your second language. (Your English was great here).

I would definitely try to speak to a doctor for therapy. Was the decision to live rurally your husbands?

I think with your son it’s important to remember that he’s happy. The feelings might be from a bit of post-natal struggling and you’ve never got the feeling of that ‘bond’. However, it’s probably internal pressure in your head stopping you.

I think you should try to push yourself to go to a toddler group once a week. No matter how hard it is, even if you don’t speak to other mums to start with. Just challenge yourself and when you are there focus on the kids interactions. If there’s anyone that can support you and come with the first time great!

❤️