I just can’t do this anymore

[BananaSplitsss]

I have totally crippling and crushing anxiety. It is absolutely awful- debilitating, terrifying and at its peak, I am left shaking, sobbing, retching and am a complete hysterical mess.

I know the triggers .
I have no help or treatment- only diazepam occasionally ( which incidentally seems to not touch the sides ).

They have tried to give me all sorts of meds- setraline, Prozac , venlafaxine, propanol and latterly citilopram. That makes me sick to my stomach- gps answer to that is to persevere and give me tablets to line the stomach.
My former doctor used to be wonderful for years . She would contact me at least every two weeks.
Then all contact stopped from her ( I still
wonder if I did something wrong) and now random and very sporadically I will have a call from a different doctor every few months or so. It’s all bit shit and I feel they are completing a box ticking exercise judging by the questions they ask.

I use crisis tools and tonight for the first time ever, I called the Samaritans. I was desperate.

I wish for the anxiety to fuck off forever. I am sinking lower and lower and scared one day enough will be enough.

Anyone able to offer me any advice or help…

It would mean so much. I genuinely don’t know how much longer I can deal with it.

I don't have any advice, other than keep persevering as you are worth the effort. Just responding so you feel heard.

I would go back to the GP and push for a referral to see a psychiatrist. You’ve tried a lot of medication but still suffering.

Have you ever had any therapy like CBT? It really helped my anxiety.

I feel very sorry for you to be going through this. Have you tried therapy? I found it lifesaving. For me the anxiety was an expression of trauma that I had suppressed my whole life and when I spoke about it, very slowly, the anxiety started to lift. I promise you this can be fixed 💐

Can you afford to get a private gp appointment? They are about 150-200£ but I just had one for my life long anxiety and panic attacks and the care in just that 30 min appointment was like nothing I've ever received in the nhs. She is exploring all different kids of underlying diagnoses (some I've never heard of before) and organised a full psychiatric assessment. You don't have to continue your care with them, they can refer to alsorts of places in the nhs. It has been so worth the money so far

@gooddayruby

I have been for one of these for my son and can fully recommend. Ours was a 45 minute consultation but it felt like an age compared to the short time spent with the GP. 30 minutes would have been sufficient. I went with my own short notes so that I knew there wouldn’t be anything I forgot to mention.

They wrote a letter to my G.P. bullet pointing what course of action they thought was required. This resulted in the G.P taking immediate notice and actioning things they previously said were unnecessary. The private consultants put things in writing whereas many G.Ps seem to try and avoid this (any future liability).

I am sorry that you are going through very difficult times OP. My friend had a period in her life where she suffered from crippling anxiety to the extent that she was having multiple panic attacks every day and couldn’t live any semblance of a normal life. She had a great G.P who arranged CBT and that really worked for her.

Have you considered a drastic change of life style?

Thank you all so much for your support. I honestly don’t know what else to do and will most definitely look into a private GP appointment.
Therapy for me so far has not been great: I saw a private psychologist for a bit over a year ago but stopped as he was way too intense in terms of giving me exposure therapy and he was setting it for me to do alone, at home. This I found too much to cope with it and stopped. I need support not to be set targets of such intensity on my own.
Prior to that I had some therapy via the GP but that was a total disaster: it was on line and utterly shit. So impersonal and I found it awful. My Doctor knows this .

I cannot really cope with this for much more. I’ve had a couple of hours sleep tonight and that is likely to be it now. To top it off I had major surgery a few months back and really need to be better all round as recovery time from my
operation is not going to plan and I am still
having treatment for that.

Thank you all so much again 🩷

In what way? This is interesting to read .

I am so pleased you are getting support and things are working well for you. Anxiety is just crippling.

Have you tried any of the older style tricyclic antidepressants? All the ones you mention are the more modern ones. I react badly to all the SSRIs and SNRIs I've tried. The two that work for me are Amitriptyline which is a tricyclic and Mirtizapine which has its own little random category. I need quite a high dose of Amitriptyline and it causes me to gain weight, but I'd take that over the constant crippling anxiety I had before. I understand not wanting to try anything more, I've hit a wall like that with my chronic pain, but it can really make a difference if you can find the right medication and since you seem to have not been prescribed anything in the category of tricyclics I think it could be worth trying.

My former doctor used to be wonderful for years . She would contact me at least every two weeks. Then all contact stopped from her ( I still wonder if I did something wrong)
It's much more likely to have been about her. Given how hard most doctors work, especially those that really care, it's highly likely she got burnt out or she had kids and had to find ways to cut back There may have been several people she was calling fortnightly and she just couldn't do it anymore. It's not a reflection of you.

If you're regularly not sleeping much that will play a big role in your anxiety levels, I know it kicks mine into overdrive. The amitriptyline I take means I actually sleep at night. But I've used other things over the years, old style sedating antihistamines you can get over the counter are worth a try if you haven't already been down that path.

You might be better suited to therapy rather than pills. You could try tapping therapy, EMDR, CBT, talking therapy, etc. Wishing you luck 🍀

As an anxiety sufferer myself you have my total empathy. If there is anything you can action then do it, for example if you do a job that's a trigger then change it, also I'm not saying you do but don't drink alcohol it's anxiety in a bottle. Remember nothing is permanent and anxiety is just your fight or flight going off usually by mistake because there is no bear chasing you in the woods, a bit like a car alarm going off with nobody near it. Once you don't fear the anxiety it loses it's power and fades away. I genuinely wish you well it is truly awful.

Are you doing all the natural ways to help anxiety too like

• exercise
• getting outside
• socialising

I have to force myself sometimes. Also saffron (Holland and Barrett) is meant to help - I keep meaning to try.

A light box might help? My anxiety goes nuts this time of year. I keep meaning to get the light box out!

Not saying this will cure anything but it will help if you're not already doing them alongside meds and talking.

And I'm with you - it sucks. X