Major anxiety about my heart

[CleoKitten]

I suffer badly with anxiety mainly health anxiety and OCD. I get loads of physical symptoms that my doctor says is due to anxiety but I just can't believe it. I always have chest pains, palpitations, breathlessness dizziness, the list goes on. I've had ECGs, 24hr heart monitors. Nothing can calm me. I am convinced I have a heart orobl m or undiagnosed heart condition despite no actual evidence of this. The fear and anxiety of sudden death is consuming me. I'm a SAHM to my little boy. My partner works full time. I struggle to just be alone in the house. I'm so terrified that I'll go into cardia arrest and die and no one will be able to save me. Or I'll have a stroke or anything deadly really. I've had various therapi s and medications over the years but nothing helps. How can I just stop by his fear and enjoy being a mum to my little boy. Every waking moment is filled with intrusive thoughts about dropping dead. I play out these visions in my head of me laid there dying and my family all gathered round. I don't know if Jay to do anymore. I'm so scared all the time.

Are you seeing anyone or getting any help for your anxiety and ocd? Ocd is a very debilitating condition but it can improve with help.

I've had many CBT and exposure therapies sessions to no avail. I'm on the waiting list again for more therapy and counseling.

Have you tried medication maybe? SSRIs etc. They can help.
Sometimes medication gets you to a place where you are mentally able to access the cbt therapy.
That's the theory anyway.

Can you identify when and why this started? Finding the root cause is the key to dealing with it.

Unfortunately, I don't think ocd works like that.

I'm not sure really. I did lose my brother at a young age very unexpectedly. I did have a very traumatic and neglectful upbringing so I know it probably stems from this.

I've tried different medications. You see, I'm terrified of taking tablets because of side effects, it creates a lot more anxiety.

How old are you? Anxiety can get worse when your hormones start changing, and palpitations can be a symptom.

I'm 31.
I've had every single.blood test under the sun as well and they've found nothing too concerning.

I have health anxiety and have worried about my heart fir years. I've had svt and some weird runs of pvcs, trigeminy I think it's called. Lasts for weeks on and off.

One thing that has helped immensely is watching Dr sanjay gupta on YouTube. Or york cardiologist he also goes by. Amazing consultant and his videos bring me so much reassurance. Please look him up. He is brilliant.

Maybe reconsider the medication. Can they prescribe a short term med to help you take them? Plus find coping strategies. Distraction. Exercise. Time spent outside. Mindfulness. Meditation.

They've given me diazepam which I'm worried to taken I have a toddler so I worry that taking it will effect my ability to look after him. I fo try to get out most days for excercise.

The fear and anxiety of sudden death is consuming me.

I did lose my brother at a young age very unexpectedly.

There's your root cause. Your mind has developed an absolute dread of death because that's what you experienced as a reality. Did you have any counselling at the time?

Could someone else stay with you and your toddler for the first day you take it so you can see how you do? You have my sympathy OP health anxiety is awful.

What are you avoiding, OP? What is your actual incredibly painful thing to think about that you are terrified to think about.

It's not your heart. It will be fears that no one loves you or that your worthless or something else you believe at a primitive level. Focusing in the heart etc. is a comforting habit, much better than your real worst fears.

I obsess over dying suddenly and yes I believe it's the loss of my brother so suddenly. I didn't have counselling at the time. I was 18 and at that stage where I just went off the rails. That is when my anxiety started though but it was manageable and had grown worse over time and even worse since my son was born last year.

It's not too late. And can you see that the thought of leaving your son was the trigger that brought it into focus? Losing your brother planted that thought in your mind and it's telling you to think about it constantly because it was such a major event in your life. Do you mind me asking what happened to him?

He had brittle asthma and lots of allergies to many things. The doctor's said that because of his asthma the scarring on his lungs was very very bad. He had a asthma attack one day and my mum didn't have his inhalers. He died at the side of the roadside on the way to fetch his medicines. Although the actual cause of death was ruled as anaphylaxis. He was 8. It goes alot deeper that that though. My mother was a functioning alcoholic at the time so that bought with it a whole host of issues. I wasn't in touch with them, id left home at 15 and not spoke to mother and younger siblings since. I suppose I feel some responsibility for what happened. Yes, the thought of just not existing anymore- I just can't fathom it and it's anxiety inducing.

You deserve to enjoy life. Your son deserves to have you well OP. X

I'm so sorry, that must have been horrific.

I suppose I feel some responsibility for what happened.

Can you accept that you had no way of knowing what was going to happen and that you were in no way responsible for either his illness or his neglect - that there was nothing you could have done? You were a child yourself during his illness. You are viewing the past with adult eyes, not as you were then.

Its just so hard to get my brain out of this way of thinking. The thoughts are like an obsession. I can't function normally or do normal things because I'm always making it about bad things happening to me which ultimately will cause my death. For example, I can't drive now because I'm terrified of car accidents. I don't like to go out alone in case something happens to me. I don't like to be home alone in case something happens I can't get any help. Any pain or twinge I get I automatically assume the worst. Its exhausting.

When you focus so intently on something, be it as trivial as a pimple on your chin or as serious as the possibility of a premature death it becomes all encompassing and blocks out everything else; rather like looking at it through a magnifying glass. But when you step back and look at that issue as a part of your overall life you can see it in proportion. That pimple is invisible to everyone else. The statistical possibility of you dying in your 20's (?) is really, really tiny. I just looked it up and for someone aged 25 it's 0.000700.

Its just so hard to get my brain out of this way of thinking.

That's because your brain (actually your mind) is trying to protect you, because of the shock of your brother's death - it believes that being hyper alert is the best way of preventing something bad happening. It's not trying to hurt you, it's stuck in a cycle of seeing danger in everything and shrieking at you to be careful, be alert, pay attention in case something awful happens.

But it is possible to stop this cycle, to put the past into perspective, to draw back and accept that what happened to your brother (and the associated trauma of your childhood) is not going to be repeated because you are your own person and in charge of your own life. You aren't helpless anymore.

Are you a psychiatrist or psychologist @Eyesopenwideawake?