Life is just too much (sorry trigger warning)

[merrykittymass]

I’ve been trying to write in here for a bit now but I can’t quite find the words, I’m so so overwhelmed with life and I know that if it weren’t for my DCs I don’t think I would be here right now. I would never do that to them as my own mother took an OD when I was 16 and I had to get help and take her to the hospital for her only to deny it but then say she had deliberately done it so I would find her not my brother. That stayed with me forever and I would never hurt my DCs like that.

Anyway my own life, I have a chronic illness which means I am in pain everyday, don’t sleep well at all, have anxiety & depression. I’m currently signed off work, I love my actual job but have been treated quite badly to the point of bullying. Colleagues calling me a liar and not believing I am unwell. To be fair I look fine. I am also going through a horrendous menopause and all that brings.

One of my DCs has terrible mental health problems, I worry about them everyday. It is horrible to see your child suffer so much and you can’t help them. Another one of my DCs has been bullied and there’s the usual teenage angst.

I feel like I have got so much going on, everyday I wake up in so much pain and every night I go to bed knowing I won’t sleep well. I’m always tired and grumpy. I’m a shit mother and wife. I’m on antidepressants and recently saw a CPN who decided I wasn’t bad enough for help as there’s a years waiting list for counselling on the NHS and I should go private 😫

Just like real life where no one can be bothered with me and ignore me too

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this.
It's really tough isn't it?
Keep going with the antidepressants.
Be kind to yourself
X

I'm sorry I never saw this first time round.

Hang in there. There are people offline who really love you.

And we're here to hold your hand as much as you want

Pain is like a onion, the more stress you have in your life the worse the pain has an effect on you. You really need to eliminate the stress. (Actual medical advice given to myself by the pain clinic and when I took it it surprisingly helped and I have EDS where my joints dislocate daily!)

Is there any chance of making any positive changes to your life op?

That really sounds hard, life can be very unfair sometimes. Is it worth going back to your doctor to see if any further help is available for your menopause symptoms or your sleep problems? Good sleep might make a difference to your mood.

i hope things improve for you and your DC

I hear your pain and frustration - life sounds horrible right now. But it won't always be like this. Keep pushing GP to make sure your meds are right - both for the pain and then the depression and anxiety.

Look at the 'small wins' you can control in your day. Maybe a short walk in the fresh air. Nourish your body with good food. Are you able to nap in the day to catch up on some sleep?

Do you have a husband / wife / partner or friends that you can open up to and let them know how you're feeling?

I know it's trite but trying to think of 5 things every day that you're grateful for despite all your challenges can be a really positive step too.

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling but

-please visit your GP. If you are feeling depressed they can help. I had a complete breakdown a couple of months ago and the GP was fantastic in prescribing medication and immediately referring me to the Crisis Team for urgent support. This has made a real difference and now I am also waiting for weekly counselling sessions

-same with the chronic pain: speak to the GP. I have a condition that causes chronic pain and gentle exercise, the anti-depressants and HRT are helping me cope. Also I do daily guided meditation (just 10 minutes using YouTube guided meditation videos) and that really helps. Stress indeed just makes the pain worse...

-work: some employers are really evil when it comes to dealing with people who are struggling with mental health issues. I would make sure that you declare your chronic health conditions (mental health and chronic pain) to HR and ask for reasonable adjustment. People with disabilities/long term health condition should not be discriminated at work. If people are picking on you make an official complaint.

It really feel overwhelming when everything is happening at the same time but there is light at the end of that tunnel. But for me the first step was accepting I could no longer cope alone and seek help from healthcare professionals.

Sorry I was just having a woe is me rant, now I have a cold and hacking cough (was probably working in me too making me feel even worse).

I’ll try and answer some of the questions:

• I see my GP often and I’ve tried various combinations of meds, it’s so trial and error and sometimes the side-effects are horrible. I’ve just had to come off nortryptaline as we think it was causing my eyes and face to swell up.
• I’ve been to see a number of people over the years both NHS and private (you’ll try anything when you’re in pain) I attend the chronic pain clinic, I’ve had some CBT counselling in the past. GP referred me this time but mental health nurse decided I wasn’t bad enough hot the Crisis Team and that I should go private, chiropractor, osteopath, therapist who specialises in myofascial pain, yoga etc
• menopause - I’ve just been “investigated” as I’m having very heavy, irregular periods, everything came back normal thankfully just the menopause, I’m on HRT just now but I don’t think it’s helping. The (male) gynaecologist said I should have never been put on HRT in the first place, his recommendation would be the mini-pill or the coil, I was on the mini-pill when all this started, I started having breakthrough bleeds so now I’m at a loss
• work - I’m going to have a meeting with Occupational Health as I know they’ve just done a big thing on disability/menopause awareness as well. I have had to go part-time because of my health and I’m being resented for it especially as I still earn twice as much as some people make full time (not my fault), I also get all the bitty, scrag end jobs which means I often look unprepared and rushed so get talked about. It’s more of a vocation than a job involving very vulnerable people and I often disagree with the way they are treated by others, I have a mantra that I treat them the way I would treat my own family, I am often shocked at how others treat them and when I raise this it’s me who is at fault.
• I definitely need to reduce the stress but where to start? I need a new job but any will be full time but I’m willing to even do that temporarily to get out of there. but that will take time, I’m signed off work just now but I’ll have to go back. I have to sort sleep out. I clench my jaw so hard unconsciously in my sleep and even awake my whole face is in agony (yes I have a mouthguard doesn’t help) I have daily headaches my shoulders are at my ears.

Would your work pay for counselling? Ours pay for 6 sessions.

Or if you earn a decent amount could you pay? It might not be as horrifyingly expensive as you expect

I also have a horrible chronic condition, stressful issues with a child and a really stressful job and am definitely hanging on by a thread. It's tough.

@WrongSwanson I don’t know I’m going to ask when I see OH. I did earn a reasonable amount but it’s been cut by 3/5s by going p/t. I think I can just about stretch to private.

I hope occ health can help. I know it's brutal when every part of life feels like a battle

When I saw oc after being off with stress due to family member’s MH, I found them fabulous. They are rarely directly employed by the. Company so not thinking about the day to day business needs and can think about the person in front of them

I had a horrible morning with the pain, I didn’t sleep well last night and got up at 8 this morning, I was in so much pain with my back I felt sick. I tried stretching exercises but they brought my to tears. Managed to get out for a few hours, came home and needed to go to bed for 3 1/2 hours I was so exhausted.

That sounds very difficult. The combination of pain and lack of sleep must be debilitating. I hope you had a better sleep last night.

Hi @merrykittymass,

Just wanted to say well done for posting on here originally as it sounds like that took a bit of Dutch courage!

Living in chronic pain is horrendous and will be incredibly difficult and intense to deal with. Are there any charities which specialise in your specific health concern that can help? Otherwise might be worth contacting pain Uk too.

It’s hard without specifics but I agree with keep going back to your GP and don’t be afraid to advocate your own case. Push for referrals and specialists. Push for a second opinion. Unfortunately with the NHS everything is such a long game and the loudest get the most help.

Make sure you are getting the basics right: - eating well (lots of fresh food/avoiding ultra processed stuff as much as possible
-sleep hygiene, it’s awful when you can’t sleep but make sure you aren’t drinking caffeine late, not on your phone, winding down etc
-exercise: probably feels impossible but getting outdoors for little walks. Very gentle movement & stretches

With work is there any possibility to move teams? It sounds like a fresh start might help.

Are you having therapy? It sounds like there is a lot of stress in your childhood that you might need to speak to someone about.

Have you got health insurance at work?

@Squiggles23 thanks for the replies I’ve tried to be a bit vague so not to put myself sorry

I have had a referral to the pain management clinic which was a bit flat really, they were going to refer me onto a specialist physio, I got a letter the other day to say that there could be a delay being seen as both are off sick (!) medication has been a bit hit and Miss the last one I was on made my face and eyes all swell up. Colleagues accused me of having fillers. Thankfully since coming off the meds the swelling has gone. I’m only on dihydrocodeine and naproxen for pain which takes away about 30% of it.

You are so right about my diet, it is terrible just now, I don’t have much of an appetite and when I do eat it’s junk. I am often too tired to cook or even eat a dinner so I’ll grab a pastry or toast something very easy. I do take a lot of vitamins and minerals that are supposed to help my condition.

My sleep is all over the place, I do the no caffeine thing, Epsom salt baths, stay off my phone etc (DH has even tried the erm massage/orgasm route to help me relax bless him) my brain just won’t wind down it just won’t stop overthinking and worrying.