Can't cope with anymore trauma

[stairlift]

I'll be honest, the past 3 years have been horrendous for me and I am worried about my mental health

2020: DM became increasingly physically and mentally unwell. In and out of both hospital and psych unit. I was her sole carer, trying to manage all through lockdown.
At same time DB had a breakdown and suddenly came to live with us, followed shortly by his DC. I spent the next 18 months getting him back on his feet, and helping him through family court to get custody of his DC

DM passed away earlier this year and six stressful months later DH's business went into liquidation. We are mid insolvency, living in a freezing house that is mid renovations and now no foreseeable realistic route to getting it finished.
I am working every possible hour in my basic wage retail job; DH is temping working nights. Anything to keep a roof over our heads.

The worst of it is, whilst DH has a sense of relief about getting out of his ridiculously stressful business; he is now experiencing worrying physical symptoms and the GP has ordered immediate tests. I pleaded with him for years to get out as I could see toll work was taking but he wouldn't do it.

I am a mess; I literally cannot cope with anything else. The slightest problem I am dealing with tips me into the worst hole of despair and anxiety.
I am on ADs and anxiety meds but I still feel so out of control.

It just feels never ending

I absolutely and completely understand how you feel.
I have had 3 family suicides this year, 2 other family deaths and a hospital admission myself a week ago (physical, not mental). I say this not for pity or praise...but to tell you that counselling saved me in the midst of it all. It actually saved me. I was put on sleeping tablets initially and then sertraline but I can wholeheartedly say, my counsellor is who dragged me from the depths of a breakdown. I still see her now and after 6 months on the AD's, I have been off them for 2 weeks and am doing well.
Regardless of everything that has happened, I can absolutely guarantee that everything will get better. It might take 3 months, 6 months or a year. But you will come out of the other side stronger.
Please don't feel you are alone in this, and if you can, try to reach out to professionals who can help. Things will get better xx

I am so sorry to hear of what you have been through; I can't imagine how difficult it has been.

I have always considered myself a fairly resilient woman, generally able to pick myself up and put one foot infront of another. But now it feels like I am constantly having shit thrown at me, each event being worse than the previous and I can't find any inner strength to hang in there.

I did have a therapist when dealing with my DM and DB but as money became an issue I had to put a stop to the sessions. Maybe it's critical now I find a way to start them again.

I'm so sorry for all that you've been through and are currently going through.

I understand this too well and I've been screaming at the universe 'why won't you give me a break'. It's the relentlessness with no end in sight and more and more keeps coming and the situation appears to be getting more bleak of an outlook with no solution.

What you need to regain over your situation is agency, a sense of calm control in the face of relentless shit arising.

There are some tools that can help - 'keep it in the day' / 'keep it in the hour' even, stay within the tasks that need achieving within the next hour, and refuse to allow your mind to drift in the fear of the future and the 'what ifs' - the 'what ifs' are very real but they serve no purpose and are destructive thinking.

Get into a rigorous routing of going to bed early, sleeping well, getting up and eating healthy nourishing food and no alcohol, no drugs, no junk food, not too much sugar or caffeine (they do strange things to the brain). A good sleep every night even if assisted by sleeping tablets makes the world of different.

Tell yourself every day that this may well be a shitshow but you're stepping up to fight it, confront it, and use the very best of strategies to stave it off. Sorry what happened to your mum but that's one less ongoing burden in all realisticness sounds callous to say.

I hope there's nothing seriously wrong with your DH and that you can find little glimpses of time to have fun together in all of this - can you do anything nice together that costs no money like a long walk on a Sunday or something... or make a big meal together ... or have a movie night.. sometimes it helps to just make that little bit of niceness in an otherwise crappy situation. You need to find the light at the tunnel again! And whilst it's 'off' just keep trudging doing the next right thing and the next right thing. It will improve one day. Spring will come again and things will feel warmer and lighter.