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I’m a control freak, and I need help.

2 replies

Liverpoolgirl50 · 30/11/2023 20:37

Self confessed control freak, stemming from a traumatic childhood. I did about 3 months of therapy which was great but had to stop as we couldn’t afford to continue. We had only really scratched the surface but it helped to understand my need to control absolutely everything in my life.

What we never got as far as was discussing ways to let go of that control. I have to be in charge of everything, I give my husband jobs to do and then double check them, I have a budget spreadsheet that I update every time I spend anything to help me feel in control of my finances. It’s obsessive and exhausting. If anything goes ‘wrong’ - the baby doesn’t nap exactly as long as I thought she would/we’re running late/she didn’t eat dead on 5:30pm then it’s like the world is ending and I panic.

I just want to go about my life like a normal person. I’m on sertraline for post natal depression and anxiety, but the need to be in control has become much worse since the birth of my daughter 16 months ago.

Has anyone been in this boat and has suggestions or methods to try and take a step forward? My family think I’m just dramatic but they don’t understand the visceral feelings I get when I feel out of control.

OP posts:
coffeeisthebest · 01/12/2023 10:47

You can't control your way out of the control OP. I am similar to you in some ways and long term therapy has helped me but I appreciate it's expensive and it is hard work building up trust enough to start to let go a little. If therapy isn't an option that I would start by just being aware of each time you are caught in control. Don't try and change it initially, just clock it, watch your reactions, experience it. Watch how difficult it is when things don't go your way. You seem really self aware so you may go a long way with this just on your own, but I suppose the issue is that you may turn this into another exercise in control on your own, which it is not. Take care.

MistyTrains2 · 01/12/2023 13:24

I think you have to let yourself feel those feelings but try and find another outlet. That is very hard with a little one and I suspect the 'why' of doing it is because you know there is very little outlet time for you atm. Maybe try and carve out a very small amount of time - 5 minutes - for something.

I am someone who experiences intense emotions and for me the gym, lifting heavy weights, is my answer.

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