Absolutely drained

[Zombieof3]

Hi all,

A brief background: I have 3 kids ages 11, 7 and 6. I work full time - barely scraping by with bills. Partner is a SAHD as we could not afford to pay childcare and it made everyone unhappy.

I desperately need a new job, however, I am somewhat limited to 9-5 job and not shift work. Im waiting for my ASD referral but I strongly believe I’m autistic which causes me to burnout very quick.

im currently a senior support worker for the homeless, however the work place is extremely negative and full of bullies - management do not care. I’m running two homeless projects mainly by myself, I literally only earn 22,888 a year and I feel incredibly undervalued. But besides that I’m exhausted 24/7, I have no energy to spend it with kids and find I’m snappy and irritable. I’ve looked and looked for new jobs and there is nothing. I don’t know what to do as I’m so exhausted and miserable

You don't sound like you're being very well supported. You need downtime from a stressful job. How much respite are you getting? Why can't DP do some hours of work at the weekend? Your salary isn't enough for a whole family to live off! No wonder you feel stressed!

Hi Op,

Sorry to hear this!

Now you littlest is in school could your partner not look to go back to work?

Pick offs/drops offs can be a bit more manageable with wfh & remote working. Also there might be after school clubs etc for wrap around childcare?

With jobs a lot of your skills will be transferable. Could you have a look at your local council? I think that would be a good match. Also worth looking at civil service jobs or even police roles? Along side other charities. Could you look a bit more outside your area for remote home working roles? It’s difficult applying along side working.

Its a shame your colleagues are so bad, is there no way of speaking to HR at work?

That sounds so hard. I'm sorry you're going through this. Something has to change before you break. Can you think of change in stages? Firstly, look after your physical health. Are you eating and sleeping well enough? A vitamin supplement may help? Are you getting any time to exercise? Even just a walk for 20 minutes around the block may help recharge your batteries. The xmas lights are just coming out which are beautiful this time of year.

Next, could there be a plan for getting your DH into part time work? Your work place sounds awful. You clearly have some very transferable skills which employers need. It would be worthwhile spending time writing them all down and looking to see how you can sell them in an interview. Could you get friends and family to help you in your search for new jobs and opportunities?

Things will get better. You've reached out here and that's a good first step.

All of your children are in school so your partner can get some part time work at least and perhaps a weekend job.
Or both of you can go part time, this situation isn't a long term solution, he can't be just a SAHD if you are experiencing burnout.

I don’t really feel my partner being a SAHD is the issue, my youngest has ASD and is only in school part time which has been why both of us working was so difficult with childcare as he can’t just go to anyone and we had to pay extra as he’s not in school as much.

i feel the issue is mainly with work. There is so much bullying in my work, racism and derogatory behaviour and management do nothing. I’ve got a meeting with HR next week but I know everyone will hate me even more if I go through with it. I’m exhausted doing so much work for such little pay.

my partner is trying to start up his own business at the moment, but obviously that takes a long time to actually get off the ground before you even start earning anything. I’ve applied for two different jobs and I’m going to look if the council have any jobs going. I personally would love to work with those struggling with substance misuse issues, but right now there are very few jobs even around. My current workplace makes me so miserable and then I come home and my partner is miserable as he is feeling burned out too. I’ve told him to look for some remote jobs or weekend jobs and hopefully he will find something. Thank you for replying to me, I feel a lot better after having a moan 😂

Also, him not working is a recent thing, we couldn’t afford the childcare so he felt he had no choice but to leave. I think he does need a job on the side even just for him, as being a stay at home parent is so isolating sometimes

You sound overwhelmed and underpaid. But doing a great job with coping.
Can you advocate for a payrise at your current job? If you are carrying such a heavy burden, they might consider it, out of fear of losing you. But I would be looking for a new job too.