Feel so lost and truly unhappy

[elle0305]

I don’t even know why I’m typing this out, but I need to get it out of my head, and don’t have anyone to talk to.

My life is so complicated yet so simple? I feel so lost, and never imagined my life would be this way.

I have been with my husband since we were teenagers. His mum hated me for basically spending time with him back then, and she ended up throwing him out at 19, which forced us closer, and we moved in together at 18 and 19. All my friends were spending their money on clothes, holidays and going out, while I was struggling to pay bills, which meant that I drifted away from all my friends.

A couple of years later I fell out with my mum over some pretty shitty decisions she made where she put someone she had just met online before her kids. I had already fell out with my dad years prior when he chose to put his own mothers feelings before mine and decided to let that be known to me on the day of my great grandmothers funeral.

Since we no longer had family ties keeping us in our home town, we left for somewhere with more affordable houses, and a fresh start.

Fast forward, and we are now both 30 with 2 children, but life has taken its tole on me. I love my boys but they are hard work. They are 4 and 2. It doesn’t help that since my eldest was born I have suffered terribly with inflamed ribs and acid reflux, and have also ended up with hypothyroidism this year. I am exhausted. I have zero break from mum life. I don’t have any family or friends, and the friends I do have, are mum friends that I don’t really know that well, and definitely not enough to look after my children. I feel so alone. My husband just doesn’t get it. I basically cried this afternoon saying I feel so overwhelmed and miserable. Then when the kids were in bed he send me screenshots about regular sex being good for your mood. And I was like is that seriously all men think about?

Then he acts all pissy all because we haven’t had sex in 2 weeks, yet one of those weeks everyone in the house was ill, and the other week I was on my period for most of the week. I really don’t know what to do. I know that I really should seek professional help in the form of therapy, but I really don’t have time because I have no one to look after my kids

I'm not surprised you feel so low after going through all that. But its not your MH that's the issue its your H! What an arsehole; does he have form? Someone will be along with better advice soon but you are so young with so much to cope with, you need him to be stepping up to support you not undermining you.

PS Maybe ask MN to move this post into "relationships" ?

You need to see your GP and tell them what you’ve written here.

People always say see your GP. What good will that do? Assuming OP can get an appointment, in the ten minutes or even five mins that a GP has how are they going to help? Apart from doling out drugs there isn’t anything they can offer .

OP you sound absolutely worn down. If your husband can look after the kids for a few days is there somewhere you could go? A retreat, a few days away by the sea. Visit a friend? You need a break . Could you afford to put the youngest in nursery one day a week to give you a break? Do you work? Can you afford to take up a hobby, even badminton to get you out of the house one evening a week?
Also if you can afford it look into getting some counselling, but you need to get out of the house on your own and get a break. Your life sounds very lonely and tough.

Your husband sounds useless and an arsehole. He needs a good talking to.

2 young children that age is tough going.
Is your dh supportive at all?
He needs to look after your dc so you can get some time to yourself.

The first thing is to work on your own health. I assume you've seen a dr about your conditions and are getting it treated?
Combine your treatment with diet and some vitamins like floradix and good dose of vitamin d. Incorporate some daily exercise even if it's walking.

Then start working towards any work and career goals you have.
Are you working currently?

Work on friendships you do have. Arrange to meet the mums you've met. See if they want to meet in he park or for a coffee.

See what other groups there are in your area that you can take your 2 yr old to.

Lastly, arrange some family days and afternoons out. Getting out and about can really lift the spirits.

Sorry to hear . I would suggest counselling as an outlet in the first instance. Just six sessions could make a huge difference. Meditation is also really helpful - maybe try a 30 day free trial on Headspace.

I can relate to this, you just feel that no-one on earth cares about you. Your children love you but are 'hard work', they are so young, it will be a one-way process for a while. You mum let you down and your husband just seems to view you as a sex provider So you feel like a pair of hands and a set of sex organs, basically.

I met my ex partner when very young and feel like I missed out on the fun stuff too, spent my early twenties paying bills and cooking dinners. It's almost like grief, but you are still very young OP. Maybe your relationship will last, maybe it won't. But it will get better when your children are both in education.

As pps have said you really need breaks until then. Can't he take the children out on a Saturday or Sunday? Use his annual leave to take some half days so you get free afternoons? Or can you research whether there are family-friendly gyms in your area for gentle exercise, I know you said you feel like crap with your ribs, there is one in mine that is women-only and provides a creche, it is such a good idea.