I think I am lonely

[Unicorn911]

I woke early this morning feeling pretty low. I am a 32(f) I have to boys one 10yr and one 3yr. They are my world. I work nights so I can care for them 24/7.(mum cares for hoys while I am at work) My partner works away most of the year only coming home for a few a weeks at a time. I don’t have any friends.. I lost contact with all my school friends over 10years ago when I met my partner. I have ‘mum friends’ at the school gates but don’t socialise with them outside of school run. I don’t feel comfortable doing it. In fact I don’t socialise with anyone at any time. I don’t have social media to stay in contact. I used to spend lots of time on social media until I met my partner. Then removed myself from all socials. Can’t really remember why. When my partner is home he goes to meet his friends while I watch the kids. I am alone with the cats all day while the kids are at school and nursery. The only regular contact I have is with my mum. I speak to her 4-5 times a day everyday.
I am concerned I am losing myself and not sure where to go next.

Is your partner the children’s father?

is there a role he can take local to you?

Yer he is both their dads. He loves them to bits and tries when he is home but because he is away a-lot the youngest still takes time to come round to him when he is home which is understandable. He has to travel for work. He is a part of a theatre production which travels to different places to perform.

It sounds like you're doing the same thing day in day out and have no one to go and break the monotony with. It's an isolating situation being at home alone with small children. It definitely sounds like you need to widen your circle. Can you start with something small like inviting a child for a playdate, and then asking the mum in for a cuppa when she collects? Or coffee with a work colleague you like? Another option, since you are home in the daytime, is to join a hobby group. You don't always have to talk loads but you'll gradually get to know people. An art/craft class, for example? Or a sport?

Your marriage sounds like it needs addressing. How did it come to be that you have lost your social contacts for a husband who isn't even around?

You can rejoin Facebook and send friend requests to all your old friends. I've left and rejoined more than once and people are fine with that. It can be a way back in to a more real life connection.

If anxiety/depression are holding you back from doing things differently, visit your gp to discuss options and consider a referral to counselling with your local Talking Therapies service.

I don’t think a playdate would work. My 10yr has friends round afterschool and I pick up and drop off and my 3yr is still at nursery and I don’t get to meet other parents due to rules in place about confidentiality within the nursery.
My kids and cats are my hobby. I don’t really have any other interests. I wouldn’t know where to start with finding a hobby. :)
My partnership does need addressing but thats a different matter. I am not even sure where to begin with that
I think a trip to the GP might be the next move.

Hi there.
i think it maybe helpful to look at setting to it self some mini goals.
I hear that it’s tough basically being a single parent , but I’m wondering if you do nights , that you do 3 or 4 a week, leaving one day where your not sleeping when presumably the children are at school.
maybe think about joining a club or volenteer somewhere to gain contacts with people. It’s important to have something to look forwards to 😍

Just seen you don’t know where to start to find a hobby.
if you have a local college , evening classes .
if you live totally , notice boards.
x

• rurally

How is your GP going to treat loneliness?

Can you rethink working nights? That's proven to affect mental and physical health. If you are at work at night then alone while the kids are at school I'm not seeing the advantage. I know school hours jobs are tricky to find and don't often pay well, but that would seem something to aim for at least.
You need to find some interests. Really. A creative outlet (in the broadest sense, I don't mean necessarily sing or make stuff sort of creative) helps with everything and you'll get social time. What did you enjoy doing a a child/teenager? What do you do around the house now?

Thank you all for your help and advice. I will certainly have to look into groups and figure out what I can go as a hobby. It gives you faith in the world to know strangers are willing to help when you are down

defiantly have hope !
look at positive news feeds
create positive daily routines (
mine is essential oils at night and cuppa and mag in bed on a Sunday)
hobbies or study can really connect you with like minded people
x