Pregnant and feel like I'm drowning.

[Ohthatsfabulousdarling]

I'm pregnant, mum of 2, off my medication with medical support.
I'm drowning. No one sees it, and even if they did, I don't think they could help.

Today's fallen to shit. I promise myself I'll get out to do something with my toddler, but we only make it out a few times a week.

Things have been really hard for months and it feels like I can't drag myself out of this hole.

It’s hard….

Speak to your GP or midwife.
Be kind to yourself.
Set the bar lower - butter pasta for dinner or not going out isn’t the end of the world.

Do wash and dress for “going out of the house” every day even if you don’t make it.
Try and practice routine it makes it easier.

Making it out a few times a week sounds alright to me? Set yourself achievable goals. If you’re currently getting out the house 3 times a week aim for 4 or 5 next week. For a toddler ´going out’ can be as simple as a walk/drive to the nearest playground or duckpond or shared garden. Or a trip to the supermarket or rhyme time at the library.

Thank you, I think that's part of where I'm falling down.
I'm so ashamed of how I look at the moment.
Nothing fits, I look like a tramp, and socks for myself is too much of a big ask.

My sons started spitting full mouthfuls of water over himself so he's on his 3rd outfit of the day.

I'm still just about managing to put a decent dinner on the table.

By the time I've done the school run with eldest my brains fried. I really need to focus on maybe not coming home and going straight for an activity with the toddler I think.

I'm scared of speaking with the midwife, but I think I really need to.. I was hoping to get through until February without medication. I'm so scared of the baby being born in withdrawals to my medication

So sorry you're struggling op.

I would do back on medication if i were you.

FWIW i have been on anti depressants for over a decade including 2 pregnancies, youngest is 2. They have never been born suffering from withdrawals.

I'm also due February and still on my medication, i feel i would struggle too much without it.

Have you spoke to your perinatal health team?

Going out immediately after the school run is an excellent idea. It really doesn’t have to be complicated. Stop off at the park on the way home. Have you got wellies and a puddlesuit for your toddler? Worth the investment if you don’t. Then he can do stuff like go on the swings or dig in the sandpit even if it’s raining lightly or still damp. Yes really. Wrap him up warm and he’ll still have a ball.
It’s pretty normal to feel a bit overwhelmed by trying to dress your body when you’re pregnant. Maybe try vinted for a few more maternity bits? Or h&m do good stuff fairly cheaply too. You may well have to order online.
You can turn very ordinary things into a fun educational outing for a toddler too. Pop to the shops after the school run and give him a list or 3 or 4 things you need (eg. MILK, BREAD, BANANAS, BAKED BEANS) and a pencil - do little pictures or write in big letters and teach him the first sound / whatever’s more at his level.
Spitting out water is such a pain. My eldest tipped every glass of water over for years. I stuck with a sippy cup much longer than planned because of it. It’s very normal sensory seeking behavior. Your kid will probably love any sensory type activity you can organize. Playdough is good, especially when it’s too cold for water play. You can make it very cheaply if you’re on a budget with salt and flour and a spoon of oil and some food colouring. Anywhere he can safely play with sand or mud or woodchips (eg your garden or a park) is a good bet. If he’s past the stage of sticking everything in his mouth then there’s lots of good activities you can set up at home with things like a tray of dried beans or rice or pasta and some toy cars or diggers.

And absolutely speak to your midwife + dr about your medication if you’re not coping without. There are likely to be options other than no meds whatsoever. You probably already know all about them. You have to weigh up any potential negative effects on your baby with the negative effects of no medication on you and your other children during your pregnancy.

Good morning everyone. Thank you for the lovely replies, I was worried that I was going to get a kick in so the amount of helpful suggestions has been a nice surprise.

Thank you for all the suggestions. Today's a day that I've actually got to go straight out from the school run (DDs school day starts at 7:45 so we're out pretty early!)
So atleast I won't feel too much guilt. I have therapy, which means driving all the way to MILs dropping off DS, then going back, having lunch and back on the road to pick up DD, then we've got big plans to go to the Christmas area in the next big town, there's a christmas train and merry go round- that'll be much to teenage DDs disdain, but she's going along for the hot chocolate we will have afterwards. I'm just trying to force a bit of happiness where I can.

The clothes, and looking how I do is something that I've been trying to address, but everywheres sizing is so different. I've returned 2 pairs of jeans for being too small, and ended up with 3 that are too big and they just fall down.

We don't have a full on waterproof suit in DS size, but we can certainly get one. That's a fabulous idea. He loves the park, and I think I just need to force that early part of our day.

The play dough activities sound good, I tried playing with play dough with him a few weeks ago at group and he wasn't impressed. I purchased a new colouring book and crayons for him yesterday...my short term memory is shot, so I can't remember where the last ones went...I tidied up lol.

I've become so lacking in resilience it's scary. We went to tesco last night, and I'm usually so patient but it was really hard. He screamed in the car for 40 minutes, then he went to sleep, woke up and grumbled the whole way through tesco, I was trying my best to talk to him and generally not get upset, but ended up in tears by the time he was in the car and I'd put the shopping in.

I've woken up a little bit happier. I've got DS outfits all set out for the day- all 4 of them. That'll get him through unless he has some major mishaps!

And I've got an outfit that half looks put together.

Have kids breakfast that's acceptable to each of them laid out for when they wake up- irregular DS is still asleep, and now I'm hoping I can actually jump in the shower and finish my mug of tea.

Sorry I'm just rambling at this point because it's a bit different today, usually I'm woken by DS and don't get a mug of tea, or chance to shower alone on any given day. Lukewarm baths with DS are my norm.

I'll also be discussing medication at therapy. I'm currently under the eating disorders service and they've been really good at saying I can discuss which medications are better in pregnancy with someone who can also prescribe for me to get me started back on the medication I need. I've been so scared of DS being born in withdrawals as its what I was told in my last pregnancy.

It sounds like you’re doing lots of things! I think you might be your own worst critic here. It’s not good for young kids to be at home all day everyday but your son really isn’t. You take him out on the school run everyday. It sounds like he goes to his grandma’s fairly regularly when you have appointments or therapy. You organize activities sometimes. He comes with you to the shops. He’s doing alright OP.
No one on here can give you proper advice about your meds. But if you’re not coping it’s worth talking to your dr again. Even if your best suited drug/combo is not an option or not ideal in pregnancy, there may be other compromise options that might help and are less risky in pregnancy. Mumsnet can’t tell you what you’re best option is. You need to decide that with the advice of your drs.