The horror of having to be me.

[Marchingfrustration]

I feel inferior all the time, to absolutely everyone. I feel like I am disgusting, sub-human and as though I don’t deserve to have or do anything nice.
Living with myself is absolutely intolerable. How can you live with someone you loathe 24/7 and feel any degree of peace?
My GP prescribed anti depressants but I can’t see how they will help as I will still be the person I am now.
Im 40 and I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever done and now it’s too late to try and do anything else. 40, stupid, ugly and pathetic. Who would want that? I certainly do not. I’m so tired of it and I don’t know how to change it because the problem is that I am me and there’s nothing I can do about that.

So if you can't change you, you can change thinking about you all the time. Hopefully the anti depressants will help with that. Personally I spend very little time thinking about what kind of a person I am, I just get on with life in the best way I can.

I am so sorry you feel like this. You don’t need to change who you are. You are good enough. You just need to change how you feel about yourself. I’m sure someone else will be along with some good advice soon about how to do that. But for now I just wanted you to know that someone is thinking of you.

Where’s the negative dialog coming from?

I have had times of feeling like this. If you can afford it, I would seek private psychotherapy. It can be life-changing.

Also antidepressants won't change the person you are. But could change how you feel about that person.

I understand this feeling. I’m the same. Im so sorry you’re going through it

Yes - I think when I felt well I didn’t really give who I was much thought.
This feeling makes me simultaneously self obsessed and full of self loathing.
In reality I don’t suppose anyone even notices or thinks about me.
It’s like even when I’m out and about I feel that other people can tell by looking at me that I’m inferior. The voice in my head is so loud that I cannot ignore it, I’ve tried distracting it but it doesn’t stop. It’s keeping me awake most of the night just going round in circles.
Im just so angry and horrified that I am me. I want to take off my skin and crawl out. That is the only way I can describe - I make my own skin crawl with disgust.

The antidepressants will give you a rest from noticing yourself all the time. Start with them.

Take the antidepressants OP. I promise they will help break this cycle of self loathing. Good luck.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry you feel this way. I’ve never heard anyone else describe the crawling out of your own skin thing but I don’t understand what you mean because I think that exact thought about myself too

PP is right, give the antidepressants a go. It dulls it and makes it less all consuming

I'm so sorry to hear you feel like this, you've described exactly how I feel about myself. The intensity of self loathing that I'd leave my body and run far far away if I could. There's a Manic Street Preachers song with the lyrics "self disgust is self obsession honey" and sometimes I think on that - why the hell am I giving any concern at all to my own negative self image?

Please give the antidepressants a go, and if they don't help go back and try another one. They provide a bit of a buffer between those intrusive thoughts about yourself and going about your daily life.

I don't find challenging my internal dialogue helpful (because it's always bloody right) but so many people do gain something from CBT or DBT.

One step at a time, one day at a time is the only way I've found to manage. I try to be the best person to other humans and animals that I can, I try to do my bit to help the local environment and I hope that one day all these baby steps of doing something good will redeem myself in my own head.

When did you start feeling like this? Babies don't hate themselves, nor do toddlers. Figuring out when and why is the key to finding peace with yourself.