Admitting that I'm not ok

[MoroccoMole]

I'm finally reached the point where I have admitted to myself that I am not ok. I'm not sure why it's so painful to admit that, even to myself, but I really am not ok.

I split with my partner of 20 years in January, I'm now sole parent to 2 teens he has very little involvement. I now work full time in a job that I love, even though the hours can be brutal.
My mother died this year and I've been helping to support my dad who has mental health issues.
My best friend is being investigated for cancer after being tumour free for 10 years.

I just feel so overwhelmed all the time and I'm shutting down, I barely talk to anyone, I don't want to leave the house. I know that I'm failing at everything and it all just seems so hopeless right now. I've never struggled before like this, I don't recognise myself and I just don't know what to do

Trip to your GP. They will likely suggest some therapy and maybe some meds. I would say also to make sure you are eating as well as you can, as often when we have a lot of stressful life experiences at once the first thing to go is appetite, which can cause deficiencies remarkably quickly. People often don't recognise symptoms for these and anti-depressants won't help with those. With that in mind I'd also ask the GP for a full set of bloods - it could be part menopausal or you could be iron deficient alongside, which can often be passed off as depression. I'm so sorry you're having an awful year. Things never seem to happen one at a time, do they? I hope you can get some help for yourself too soon.

You have an awful awful lot on your plate. Don't underestimate that and its impact.

Definitely seek out Counselling or therapy as well as trip to GP. Please do it.

That is an enormous amount to deal with OP - no wonder you are struggling.

Are you having some therapy? I definitely think you need to take care of yourself to be able to help others too.

Could you talk to work about the hours and what you are going through?

Sending you a huge hug <3

You have a lot on your plate already. With teenagers and a 20 year relationship, how are old you? Wondering if hormones are playing a part in how you are feeling? Could peri-menopause be creeping up on you?

Still haven't worked up the courage to call the GP 🤦🏻‍♀️

My work are really supportive, but I'm in a new, more senior role and there is no budging on the hours for now. I'm 36, so it's doubtful menopause is at play yet. Although I suppose it would almost be a relief if that was part of the issue!

I can access counselling services through my work, I'm planning on sending an email to them tomorrow

I’m not sure how exactly you think you’re failing, you sound like you’ve done incredibly well to still be going! Hats off to you for leaving that relationship, that must’ve been tough, although him not seeing the kids much proves it was the right thing.

I’m sorry about your mum, there’s never a good time to lose a parent but even more difficult with everything else.

From what I can gather, you’re a great mum, loving daughter, worried best friend and a strong woman who knew she deserved more. Oh and you work full time! Please take a moment to be proud of what you’ve achieved, one of these things alone would push most people over the edge.

Start the counselling at work and find something for you, even if it’s a small, non negotiable reward like a glass of wine in the bath. You’ve definitely earned it