Major anxiety

[AlltheJays23]

Oh I’ve posted loads about my severe Health anxiety and OCD. It’s very severe and I just feel so Ill all of the time. My doctor recently diagnosed fibro and I’m being investigated for Addison’s Disease. Obviously this is enough to send me into a spiral. I spend hours googling and researching. I’m struggling to keep food down and the minute I get any type of symptom I don’t know why but I immediately have to make myself throw up. It’s a weird coping mechanism. I don’t know. Tonight I started to feel all lightheaded and dizzy whiles was in the bath and now im convinced something is wrong, I’ve convinced myself it’s to do with my heart even though the doctors say my heart is fine but I’m sure they are wrong. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble. On Friday my GP prescribed me citalopram but I haven’t taken it yet because I’m scared that it will effect my heart and I’ll die. He also gave me Diazepam to take as and when needed to calm me down but I’m scared to take that as well. I have a toddler so I’m worried that I’ll take it and be no use to him. I’m so close to just going A & E so they can check me heart and make sure I’m not dying cos that’s how I feel right now. I feel so bloody rough. Not sure what the purpose of this post is. Just lonely and anxious and lacking support I guess.

Are you getting any help for your OCD and anxiety? (I don’t mean meds I mean therapy).
Im sorry things are hard for you. Have you experienced trauma by any chance?

I’ve had therapy many times and it hasn’t been much help unfortunately.
I have quite a lot of childhood trauma and I lost my brother when he was 8 years old unexpectedly so I suspect this is where my health anxiety stems from.

@AlltheJays23
Im so sorry to hear about your brother, that’s must’ve been so traumatic for you.

What type of therapy have you had? After I went through a very traumatic time in my life the only therapy that touched it was EMDR therapy.

It sounds like a panic attack, which is likely why the Dr has given you some meds. Have you tried grounding? Counting and using your senses to try to calm yourself; so take shoes off and feel the carpet under your feet, think what can you smell, see taste, touch. It might make you feel calmer and less like you have palpitations. I would also take the medicine as prescribed. They would not prescribe anything that you don't need, especially if you have children.

So sorry OP. I hope you are getting enough support, also to deal with past trauma. When I get in a spiral (have PTSD after a major health event, which requires ongoing treatment and scanxiety) I listen to an anti-anxiety meditation. It isn’t some sort of magic cure, but helps take the edge off things. Am trying to get better at doing this, restorative yoga and vagus nerve exercises every day as this combination seems to reduce the horrible feelings.

I have also had the worries you describe with some of the meds. Can you take the meds when someone is around, so you don’t have to worry so much about side effects.

I have had CBT several times and it hasn’t worked for me. Unfortunately nothing seems to calm me down or get rid of these thoughts all the time about my health and dying.

That’s because the trauma is not fully processed and you’re stuck in fight or flight mode.

The anxiety is just your body’s ‘alarm system’ trying to keep you safe and until you address the actual trauma the cycle will unfortunately continue.

CBT is not really recommended for trauma I’m afraid.
You need to get some EMDR done as soon as you can. Beg steal and borrow the money if you have to.

I really feel for you but you need to say ‘enough’ and do something different. I speak from personal experience and know that until something changes, nothing changes.

Sending you love and healing ❤️‍🩹