Cant stop thinking it was my fault (sorry its long!!)

[jofeb04]

Hiya all,
My ds is nearly 10 months old now, and life is amazing with him and my dh. However, i cant seem to forget about the pregnancy and birth. We are ttc for #2 now, but i hope that the pregnancy and birth is nothing like the first. So here goes.
I was off work with severe sickness early on in the pregnancy and then it was one thing after another. At 32 weeks, the mw noticed I had high blood pressure, so had to go to hospital the following day. I was monitered there, and was kept in for 6 nights, all the while being on blood level tablets! It wasnt pre-eclmapsia (thankfully).
However, heres the biggest thing for me. When I went into labour, i had to be constantly monitored so was unable to walk around etc, and while being monitored, they noticed that our ds may have been distressed. I had my waters broken, the oxytocin drip etc, and an epidural.I was required to have a forceps delivery and an episiotomy as our ds got stuck, and had many stiches with this. The next day, our ds had to go to neonatel for 5 nights, as he had low blood suger (a side effect from my tablets and then got a infection on his unbillical cord. He was being tube fed for one day.
After all that, I also had low iron levels due to the birth.
As you can imagine, i am very nervous about all this happening again.

you have my utmost sympathy jofeb04 but I think you need to give yourself a bit of credit. I had a similar birth to you (although my actual pregnancy was trouble free) and I went through a period of blaming myself for everything that went wrong I think I knew deep down that i wasn't at fault and I moved on. I think it's quite natural what you are feeling and certainly in my case it has changed over time (DS is 3 and a half and I'm 30 wks pg with No2) so that i can now put DS's labour and birth behind me and concentrate on having a lovely healthy relaxed labour and birth, at home I hope, with No2.

Each pregnancy is different isn't it? There is no reason at all why your next one shoudl be the same as your first.

Relax and enjoy your DS while you have her to yourself.

Do you actually think the rough birth experience was your fault, jofeb? I mean, how could it be?
Why were you constantly monitored in labour, though? That is a risk factor for problem births, so is there something you could do to minimise the chances of that happening again? What else could you do differently if you had your time over again?

Jofeb04 - Had a similar birth to you, and hated being pg. Total sympathy for you. No experience of a second pregnancy, but I know that no two are the same. The thing is, if you want another, there is no choice but to go through being pg again (). The memories do fade as time goes by, so maybe you need to let your body recover a little before having number 2??

thanks for all ur advice.
I had to be monitored throughout the labour due to having high blood pressure and being an in patient at 32 weeks.

I know that in the end, it was for the best, as i cant imagine what could have happened if things werent rushed along, but i do worry that the 2nd could be like this.