Nearing a breakdown.. HELP!

[Devonshiremom]

I have a 4 year old DS and a 6 month old DS and I am literally on my knees. Today which is a Sunday I haven't been able to get out of bed. Im physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted. I feel no motivation to do or plan anything.
My DH is fairly supportive, he's taken them out today in the car and usually works from home and oldest is in preschool term time.
But im still not coping. Feeling like a failure.
As awful as it is to say I am regretting having a second baby. He has been such hard work - awful pregnancy, stressful birth, then reflux, feeding problems, not sleeping at all at night, naps on me when breastfeeding or not longer than 30 mins in the day! Now he has started doing a high pitched screaming if I put him down or he wants something but I can never figure out what it is to soothe him. He cries constantly on and off all day,
I have not shared a bed with my husband in a year as I was so ill with pregnancy and now we have to do night shifts to survive.
Oldest son is going through his own health problems with a disimpaction regime for constipation which has lasted 6 weeks and is ongoing and now he is really acting out behaviourally - running off at pick up, saying: I don't love you mummy, hitting, pulling my clothes, wanting attention. School have noticed and say he hasn't got respect for me or my husband.
I have zero space for myself without one or both of them on me the youngest breastfeeding or pulling me etc.
I can't find time for housework, washing, gardening, any time to unpack as we moved house 8 months ago.
I feel like it's all too much and that there's no one that can really help. Should I stop breastfeeding would that help?

Has anyone got any advice or tips. Does it get better?

Stop breast feeding. This is way too much.

Full time nursery perhaps too?

At 6 months baby can go to nursery too.

It sounds like you have post natal depression.

I started a thread many years ago now saying I was struggling with my six month old. He wouldn't let me put him down, he barely slept and when he did it was on me so I could hardly sleep either. I'd reached the absolute end of my tether. I had started to fantasise about getting on a plane somewhere or chucking myself off a bridge just so I could get some rest. I only have one child because it was so brutal.

I was urged to call my GP and say I was struggling, which I was really reluctant to do (I was convinced that they'd take my baby away). I also thought it was evidence to me that I was a shit mum.

The people on the thread reassured me that I was not a terrible mum or a failure. They strongly encouraged me to call my GP and explain how I was feeling to the receptionist.

I got an appointment and I was put on antidepressants, which I was on for about four months. They helped massively. It didn't change my situation but it stopped it from feeling so overwhelming. I stopped feeling like a failure and I didn't think about running away anymore.

It absolutely got better and those days are a very distant memory.

You're absolutely not a failure. Anyone would feel dreadful after this much sleep deprivation. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sure you're a very kind and caring mother and that you're doing your absolute best in difficult circumstances. The house doesn't matter. As long as your family is warm, dry, fed, and alive at the end of the day, you've done a great job.

Please consider making a call today to your GP. Tell the receptionist you're struggling and ask what they think would be the best course of action here. I promise you won't regret it, as hard as it might be.

Wishing you all the best 🌺🌺🌺

Yup. I'd stop breast feeding and everyone in nursery. Personally I'd say SAHP would have broken me.

Older child is unhappy with the baby taking up all the time. And needs some extra help with his food stuff.

Definitely stop breast feeding.

Your oldest does love you, he's just unhappy at the moment. He hasn't been well and you aren't well either.

This too shall pass and all that.

Something needs to change and the thing I'd change is the breastfeeding.

Have you got a sling for the baby? You can use Fabius not, like a sheet of something.

He does love you but he wants you to have more time with him. Stop BF asap. Xx

I'm so sorry to hear this, OP.

If you want to stop breastfeeding, then stop breastfeeding.

It sounds like there is far more than feeding going on, though, to be honest.

Of course you are exhausted - a house move, a new baby, a four year old!

Have you had your iron levels checked? Have you got family or friends you can ask for help?

I wonder if your four year old is upset since the new baby arrived? Perhaps he needs connection and reassurance that you still love and care for him.

I find this site/books enormously useful, especially at that age:

https://www.ahaparenting.com/guide/connection

https://www.ahaparenting.com/guide/preschoolers

It will get easier, I promise. Take heart.