My own birth surprise and tears

[RubySunset82]

Hello, I just wanted to put this here so I can get some advice. Both my children were poorly when born NICU, life saving machines intubation etc.

Recently my mother gave me some documents she’d kept from my birth and it shows I too was intubated and in addition suffered from Birth asphyxia. This really shook me up, it’s been playing on my mind and today during my work, I’m at home thank god. I just literally let out this scream.

my children’s births and their health issues after have been deeply traumatic.

I guess I will need to work through this news for myself. I just wanted to put it here,

I honestly think you’d benefit enormously from some therapy

Sweetheart, there are therapists who specialise in birth and very early trauma. Please consider it. I'm travelling on a bus at the moment, or I'd post links, but I'm being judderred about, but I can come back later and post them if you like.
I had this kind of therapy myself, and it was - for me - life-changing.

Sending you a hug. I hope you find someone you can talk through this with, ideally in person. Space to feel your emotions and let them come.

I'm sorry to hear your situation. I recently had/am having emdr for ptsd following trauma. During this time it has become apparent I didn't deal with the traumatic birth of dc1. Nobody ever asked if I was OK, wanted to talk about it. I was just expected to be grateful we both came through it. My psychologist said this is really common. It's really helped for me to talk this through and 19 years later I can actually think/talk about that time without crying. I'd definitely recommend some counselling to talk through this. I think birth trauma is often dismissed because your so busy dealing with a newborn suddenly it hits down the line.

Thank you everyone I do have a therapist, I’ve not seen her for a while. It’s via zoom but it has been effective. I kind of glossed over the kid’s birth’s with her. But now with this one sheet of paper from mum I just feel really like there is this block in the middle of my chest I kind of want to scream and scream and scream but I don’t know when to or how.

Hopefully, with the help of your therapist, you can let this go.

It truly isn't something to hang on to.

Thank you @PictureOfFlorianTray crazy how I thought I’d moved on but I’m wondering if this is actually some of my own trauma.

From my own birth, or it’s all mixed up.