On the cusp of a breakdown.

[Swirls346]

I don't know how much more I can take.
My cat has been urinating all over the house and pooing for the past couple of months (yes he's under the care of a vet and getting investigations but it could be behavioural). He also steals food. Despite locking his wet food away he gets into It (about 8 sachets and this morning there was cat gravy all over my pale carpet) he has ruined everything in my house, literally everything. I have another cat and he's not like this at all.
I've just had an early miscarriage too which is just so crap considering our first was ivf and took 18 months to conceive.
Currently ttc but know it deffo won't happen with how stressed I am and also probably a blessing in disguise because I know I wouldn't cope with a second child any time soon.
I'm only young and have health issues, since having my son I had my gallbladder removed and I have chronic diarrhoea (up to 6 times daily). I spend most of my time out worrying about where the toilet is because it comes on so urgently.
I also hardly get any sleep because I have a toddler who doesn't sleep great and is an early riser (430/5am- I feel like I can cope with this one the most though because he's just the loveliest child and he's my world and I also know it's normal for some of them not to sleep great).
Everything has just got on top of me and I don't know how much longer I can do this.
No I don't feel suicidal in the slightest but I just need help because I'm a shell of a person I used to be with zero self confidence that wants to cry all the time. I was so close to calling in sick today but couldn't bring myself to do it because I feel like they won't believe how stressed I am because I always appear to have it all together and so happy. I'm also bored of my job and not very happy there to be honest.
I don't want my son seeing me like this which is the most important factor in all this. I'm generally such a good mother and children lead by example but he does see me have these upset/angry outbursts (never ever aimed at him obviously). They aren't that frequent but recently seem more.
Recently had norovirus so both been in the house all week which hasn't helped us- I hate winter.
When I read this back I just think "this is just life all these things just get on with it" but why I am struggling so much then?
I feel helpless. Lost.
Please only helpful advice /support welcome because I'm not sure I can handle anything harsh at the moment.

Sorry to hear you're not feeling great . I think I'd work on sleep first since that underpins everything. What age is your son? When do they go to bed and how many hours are they sleeping? Could you go to bed insanely early to get in your 8 hours?

I remember crying my eyes out at the children's centre when I just wasn't getting enough! Just to let you know the same kid sleeps through til 7am now. Things will get better,

Do you have any counselling at your work? Mine have a private employee helpline to call. It might be helpful to have someone to talk to as you work through these issues.

The next step would be to work on your health.

Oh you poor love, you are having a terrible time right now. It will get better.

I think you need to allow yourself to take charge, as it sounds like you are living moment by moment in the crisis or your poor health, the cat's poor health and your sleep deprivation.

You need to take charge and allow yourself to make tough decisions in the best long term interest of your health and your family. I would rehouse that cat. He is obviously not thriving right now. If it is behavioural, maybe he's stressed living with another cat and a toddler, or maybe he picks up on your illness. Don't feel guilty. Rehoming him will give him a chance to live somewhere he is the centre of attention.

Meanwhile, confine him to a small area without carpet. Do you have a utility area or section of the kitchen? Can you store his food high in a closed cupboard so he can't rip it to shreds? Once you have sorted out the cat, call in a professional carpet cleaning company if you can, or hire a rug doctor and use neat zoflora on the stains to kill the smell then steam clean over it to get rid of the marks. But rug doctors are exhausting work, so pay a cleaner to do this job for you as you are not well enough.

You need to prioritise yourself. I didn't do this when Dc were small and I was in a similar situation and it didn't get any better until I did. You are unwell and trying to run a home. You need to get well.

Go back to your GP about the constant diarrhoea. Get yourself some very slimline incontinence pads for when you are out and about. Try to limit journeys for now - get all shopping online, and time your eating for when you get home. Can you ask someone to care for your toddler for a day a week while you catch up on sleep?

All this will pass. My life was similar to yours (no sick cat but very sick DS2 who never slept and threw up everywhere - even the ceiling! with a very energetic DS 1, and I had gallbladder issues. I felt like the walking dead.

Life is so calm now and has been for years.

Thank you so much for your replies, I could cry at the kindness of them and that somebody understands.
Regarding my health- I have a colonoscopy at the end of the month so I am getting it looked into and I have had a CT scan (also lost 2 stone) but I don't think they are suspecting anything serious.
My little boy is 22 months and still breast fed (which I also absolutely hate but find it impossible to wean him). His sleep is all over the place because he's so unpredictable- sometimes he goes to bed at 730, other times 9.30. Generally it's around 830 and he has about 2 hours nap the day. He's such a happy little soul and a joy to care for and actually so easy to look after! It's just the sleep isn't great. My partner is great and does his fair share and we take it in turns to get up with him and recently infact he's got up with him a lot more than me. I feel like it doesn't matter how much I sleep, I'm still exhausted and drained.
I could look at accessing counselling maybe through work? Not sure they do that? I work as a nurse for the nhs. It's a stressful job and have to go in and put all my energy into caring for others. I do take pride in my work though and always give it 100 percent because I do genuinely care for people. But I do sometimes feel like that zaps my energy too.
I have a great family support system on both sides and my mom has my son one day a week whilst I work and she works full time so can't expect her to have him even more.
She's taking me to a spa Saturday which I haven't done since before I was pregnant! I've never had a night away either but I don't really want to.
I know everyone has their own struggles as well so I'm so conscious of putting it on everyone else.
Regarding the cat there is a bit of a back story and I need to get some tests done before I can re home him. He's a pedigree Siamese and they are very intelligent.

Glad to hear your partner and family are a good support. Have you had your iron checked as part of your health investigations? Many people feel better boosting their iron even if it is 'normal'.

Honestly, I think you could get sick leave for now until your stomach issues are sorted. A sleep deprived nurse with diarrhoea isn't a good combination.Take a couple of weeks until your stomach issues have settled and you have had some bed rest. The world will survive without you and you;ll go back with renewed energy.

Meanwhile, have you considered taking vitamin sprays? They are sublingual so they don't need to be digested in the stomach but they may help you get some precious nutrients that will help you feel less weak and shattered.

The problem here is that it's an ongoing issue and it's not going to be solved in a couple of weeks. I already took 3 weeks sick leave for a miscarriage too. I actually feel like being off sick will send me further into a spiral even though I don't feel fit to work sometimes. It's a tough one really. I also had sick time to get my gallbladder removed in Feb. I'm conscious of that. I'm part time so feel like I can struggle in (I work 2-3 long shifts a week but set days are 2 days - other is extra which I won't be putting myself down for next month)

@PictureFrameWindow Funny you say that because the dr said I could be anaemic and I actually had bloods done yesterday and they prescribed me some iron (I bled a lot with the miscarriage). I also take high vitamin D and a multi vitamin. I lost 2 litres of blood in childbirth and feel like I've never fully recovered from it! Xx

That’s not just life, that’s a lot to deal with.

I would get the cat put to sleep. You don’t need that stress on top of everything else.

Just want to give you a big hug!