What is this?

[Steppered]

Hi,

I know this might be a question for a professional but just wanted to ask whether this resonated with anyone?

For the last decade I have episodes of low mood probably about 3 times a year, each episode would last maybe 2-3 weeks. I am always incredibly functional, not a ball gets dropped, but it is a significant effort. I feel full of self-loathing, the negative inner critic and intrusive thoughts are 24/7. I feel totally overwhelmed during these times and like I'm the world's worst person. I doubt I'm easy to live with during these times.

Aside from this, I am generally okay. Today I'm happy enough, quite productive and jolly in fact.

I've had counselling in the past and they did talk around cptsd, without formally diagnosing it. The counselling was slightly helpful however I have found that doing mindfulness, exercise, gratitude, journalling, self-help books and inner child work etc has been more useful. As has trying to give up my coping mechanism which has been alcohol. I do acknowledge I have things to work through from childhood and during these low periods it very often triggers intense feelings and fears of rejection.

But I don't know what causes these low moods or how to stop them.
Is this just life?
Is it depression or anxiety?
Is it something that could benefit from an antidepressant?
Could it be hormonal? (I back to back the pill and have 4 bleeds a year ish)?
Something else?

I'd just be interested to hear peoples' experiences so I can understand whether there's anything more I could do to prevent or deal with these episodes.
Thanks a lot.

I’m probably not the best informed to answer - but bringing this unanswered post to the top for you with a few questions:

you mention hormones - how old are you? Are you the right age for peri-menopause (within 10 years of when your mum was menopausal rather than just a number)

Do those low times coincide either with the bleeds or at a time when you would be bleeding if you weren’t running back to back pills? Your hormones will still vary a bit even if not enough to trigger a bleed.

Everyone feels up and down at times but if something doesn’t feel right then go and can’t with a GP or a nurse. In my local surgery the nurses are always the best way in to have a proper conversation, and if you don’t feel it helped then keep trying to find someone there to talk to that does make a difference.

Do you have a good routine of sleep hygiene? Do you have trouble getting or staying asleep?

Thanks for replying ditzzy.
I'm early 40s so technically in the right age for peri, however this has been going on for a while. My sleep is pretty good for the most part.

I've just looked at my period tracker and I have also been tracking my mood this year. (What can I say, I like objective data). I can't see that there is an overlap between my cycle and my mood.

However I've had periods of low mood 6 times already this year. Some last for a few days and slowly improve; the latest episode in October was a few weeks. During these times the negative inner voice just runs the show. I know all the right things to do and I have made improvements this year but I can't just meditate my way out of this feeling of self-loathing. As I say, I am very functional but I struggle with work, home, socialising etc over these times. I am trying to work through childhood stuff and I can get really stuck on this in low times and ruminate badly; but part of me wonders is this the same as everyone else? Is this depression? Do I have low dopamine and would antidepressants suit/help/balance my mood out??

Today I'm in a good place and I know I have a good life and a lot to be thankful for. Sometimes the low episodes can be triggered by something specific; but sometimes they just overcome me and it's overwhelming.

Really grateful to hear peoples' experiences. Thanks.

If you are (or might be) grappling with CPTSD then I think you probably ought to try to find a trauma informed therapist to see if they can help you. It's a hard road to tread and takes time. The Out of the Storm website has lots of information and a good forum.

https://www.cptsd.org/forum

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things!

You’re self aware of when it’s “low mood” rather than just imploding (this is massive) and you know tried and tested ways to help yourself to work your way out of the mood.

In my (limited) experience from friends and family, if you’re getting sleep, exercise and food right then you can work through a lot. As soon as they go wrong (particularly sleep) it all goes down hill.

I’ll stick to my line that you should never hesitate to ask for help if you need it, but maybe you just need more tricks to add to your list of things to try when you feel a low mood coming on?

it may sound really trivial, but I use singing as a slightly non-standard release technique. Different songs for different moods, but yelling out favourite songs really works for me, particularly songs that I wouldn’t otherwise hear if I wasn’t playing them specifically for that.

Great to hear you’re in a good place today too 🌞 it’s been a bright, crisp day here today which I always find makes a world of difference at this time of year.