Because I think I had mental health problems and didn't realise it and nobody else did either.
I still have recurring dreams to this day about my childhood house and specifically the bathroom and toilet. It was an old house built in the 1940s and had a bathroom with just bath and sink and airing cupboard and separate toilet. My dad and older brother would sit reading on the loo and smoke. They didn’t even use an ashtray, they would flick ash on the floor and just leave it there. So going to the toilet that’s what you were confronted with. It made me sick.
The bathroom well I still have regular dreams about being late, trying to have a shower or a bath and the place being filthy and not being able to find clean towels. I was always cleaning it up. My mum must have been so ground down she didn’t care. We had a proper fireplace. I remember my dad smoking by the fire and flicking ash onto the kerbed hearth. It looked terrible. I told him once to get an ashtray or put it in the fire and he blew a gasket. Started mimicking me in a high pitched falsetto voice and swore at me.
This is just a snippet of life. Which was horrible.