This will be massively outing so if you know me - thats fine but
In mid August I went into Autistic burnout and went into a severe mental health crisis which nearly ended very badly. [TW] I didnt realise how bad my mood/life was and it's only now looking back Im aware that I am only here by a fluke of luck.
I was seen immediately as a crisis patient and placed in crisis care outpatients for 4 weeks - seeing a medical practitioner daily/every other day, I had hundreds of tests and actually saw a psychiatrist as part of this outpatient service.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression, pmdd, and unmanaged asd [no medication or support as yet] I am on a wait list for therapy, have been given some medications and told to rest. Looking back at the first several weeks i can see i have moved on considerably but not enough to be better - but i am in a better frame of mind. I still have severe issues that i need to deal with but luckly have managed to outrun these over the past few weeks by keeping extremely busy and then burning out again!
The other day I broke my foot!
I now have no other option to sit home with my thoughts and process everything i've been running from. my usual way to escape is to get out the house for a walk - i cant do this, i have spent days just looking at the wall lying in bed, so i know i could easily fall the other way.
im not looking for ideas to keep busy i have lots of things i can do/have access to, i have no-one to look after/cater for and am being looked after at home so i don't need to do chores etc and cant do anything on my foot.
as someone who has tried to outrun their feelings forever and even tried to when a psychiatrist said they were major problems I wanted an end date so i could see my progress. i have avoided the self help books ive read, ive failed at mindfulness, ive researched and compiled a journal documenting my horrendous couple of months, but i now can not escape dealing with it all.
Any thoughts, ideas or encouragement?