I’ve been told i’m aggressive but I don’t realise. Feel hopeless and unhappy with my life

[Elll]

I was told by someone I know well (not family) that I came across aggressive in a discussion with them. From my perspective I felt passionate about my point of view on a situation but didn’t feel angry.

A few other things were said by the same person which I felt painted me in a negative light however it must have been truthful as I trust this person is genuinely nice person with a good judge of character. Now feel like I don’t know myself and don’t realise how horrible I actually am.

Since this event i’ve just been an emotional, sensitive mess and can’t shift the feeling of hopelessness and sadness. I hate the person people see me as and feel totally misunderstood and isolated (have felt this most of my life to be honest).

The hard thing to get my head around is nothing can actually help me as this IS me.

A PP was describing how women can be aggressive in a way that implied the OP had been demonstrating those behaviours - which I found wierd

But confusing - sorry - tired ( not aggressive just tired )

People say that I am shouting when they don't like what I have to say, esp when stating my piece to dh or dcs.

I think your friend was trying to shut you up.

What if you continued speaking but talked low with a firm voice, and kept staring at the other person. I do this when I need to get my point across. No one can accuse me of being aggressive as I am talking low. However I am staring at the person I am speaking to so they are very rude if they turn away.

That is an interesting point. Can aggression only be defined by the person’s own perspective of their behaviour? So if a man or woman says I wasn’t angry or I wasn’t aggressive then that is the final determination. That one can not describe another as aggressive as that term is based on a subjective experience and requires the person to have felt angry or aggressive.

I am not sure I agree that there are no objective measures of aggression and that someone can not be seen as aggressive unless they personally label or describe themselves that way. I don’t agree that someone telling another person their behaviour was aggressive is always their own misunderstanding if the person disagrees that they were aggressive.

I think it would benefit the OP more to ask her friends out her comments and perceptions rather than posters just insisting it would be impossible for OP to be aggressive and that posters know she wasn’t aggressive and that women aren’t aggressive so her friend is wrong.

It's hard to say without knowing you but it's defo a skill to be firm but tactful. Most people who pride themselves on 'saying it as it is' don't seem to like it when others tell them how it is. Being a woman is no excuse.

And sometimes also when they are being aggressive. So instead of taking it as a compliment (which it never is), it would be smarter to think for a moment whether there is any truth in it, before dismissing it.

In my case I don't think I have ever been aggressive, but I have talked better than I have listened, been dismissive of other people's views, and been too concerned with proving my point. I have been on the receiving end of these behaviours in others, so I know exactly how tedious and draining they are. I want to be able to have real conversations with my friends, where both of us are heard, and I am guessing the OP does too.

Can aggression just be defined by a persons saying there were not angry

No

Should we assume the OP is telling the truth

Yes

Your Not alone
They tell me I'm so rough sometimes I can't help it there are times I break things I forget my strength my hands does it at times I don't even realize it .until I peace and quit I realize after tell myself why did I do that .I always been that way .especially when get angry. Pray about it all the time.still I haven't change being rough trying not be rough I had a rough life trying to figure it out on my own.