I know most people on here aren't qualified doctors, and I am in the process of getting this investigated professionally, but just wanted opinions really.
I suppose for years I felt I had good mental health, though there were a few years in my teens where I massively changed, was very paranoid and engaged in some self-harm. This only lasted a few years and was intermittent. Had a tumultuous relationship with my mother at times, but mostly ok since we've lived apart the last 8 years.
But the last few years my mental health has been incredibly up and down again.
Like many people, I really struggled during the first months of lockdown. However, what is very noticeable is unlike many people I actually thrive in the winter. This last summer I
- Probably came close to losing my job as had so much sick leave. When I did work it was the absolute minimum. I was physically sick daily due to anxiety which I thought was around work.
- Couldn't get out of bed, rang my dad daily for hours to talk, but felt numb and emotionless all the time.
-Didn't want to see friends or literally do anything other than sleep and drink wine.
- Didn't care about anything or anyone
Autumn comes and suddenly:
-Doing great at work again, ahead of the game.
- Exercising, motivated, going out, dressing up when in the summer I couldn't even run a hairbrush through my hair
- Cry a lot again! Not really from depression but just emotion and sometimes happiness.
-Hyper and energetic
- Feel paranoid still sometimes but in a different way - have some difficult intrusive thoughts but usually whilst feeling fairly happy so it's confusing.
- Vivid dreams and don't need as much sleep or to eat as much.
Not to drip feed but I do have ADHD which can obviously cause some of the above symptoms. The only other thing I can think due to the change with the seasons is reverse SAD. Can reverse SAD be this bad though?
I dread the spring every year as I seem to fall into the same depression pit. On the other hand, last February I completely lost it and thought my boyfriend was trying to kill me, so I'm not sure either of the ends of the spectrum are normal.