I just don't seem to be enjoying time with DS anymore. :(

[kekouan]

DS is 14 weeks old, and has recently become very difficult. He's always been a good settler, but the last 2-3 weeks he's waking up more frequently and shouting half the night.. I'm getting such little sleep I just feel awful.

The trouble is that I just don't enjoy time with him at the moment. .even when he's smiling and playing I jsut find it so hard to appreciate him.

This sounds awful and I feel like such a bad mother, but I can't wait for my DP to get home so I can hand him over and just get on with all the house things i haven't been able to do during the day.

Don't tell me to leave the housework - I just can't do this and a messy house makes me feel more depressed.

Sorry - just needed a rant.... I just hope this feeling ends soon.

Oh Kekouan, poor you! What you are feeling is absolutely NORMAL! At 14 weeks they're still not giving you a lot in terms of reaction and by now the cumulative tiredness has completely exhausted you. Being at home with a young baby is just knackering. I remember when DD was about that age just lying in bed crying begging DH not to go to work as I just couldn't take another day of it! And to be honest at 15 months, I still have days when I'd much rather just go and sit on my own with a book. Its OK to feel like this and I bet they'll be loads more people along in a minute to agree with me

Kekouan, you sound exhausted.

I would try to get out as much as you can, it sounds like you are in a vicious circle, looking at the house and how much needs done whilst being exhausted from lack of sleep. I found getting a walk every day helped.

Unfortunately with a young baby there is a lot of extra washing and so forth, but surely you can't need to spend all day on the housework.

Please just cut yourself some slack, you are doing a fab job. Oh and from what I remember of a year on mat leave, wanting to hand over DS as soon as DH arrived was totally normal for the entire time and doesn't make you a bad mother at all.

I can't go out this afternoon, it's tipping it down and will just make me more miserable.

When I say house things I just mean a load or two of laundry, sterilising bottles, making up feeds - that sort of thing. Stuff that cannot wait..

I'm so fucking unhappy. Just been to see the HV in the hope of a chat and been completely fobbed off. Cannot stop crying and DP can't get off work.. Nobody around here to help me and I'm so upset..

Aw poor you. I think most of us have gone through this - the main thing I spotted from your post is the sleep deprivation. That makes everything so much worse.

Like others said - you need to get out. OK today the weather is hideous - but tomorrow it shoudl be better. Do you go to any mother and toddlers/baby groups? Do you know anyone else locally with a baby. Sometimes just spending time with someone else and being able to unload a bit can help you feel a bit mroe normal (both about the 'bad mother' feelilngs, and just that you are person in your own right). HV will be able to give you a list of local groups like this - and look on teh council website too.

Is it possible that you have post natal depression? It would be worth talking to your GP/HV - as PND doesn't just magically disappear. BTW - exercise - i.e. a brisk walk with the pram could really help lift you mood

And regarding hte housework. I totally understand your feelings here. Is there no way you could do the washing etc while he is there? If you can't bear to leave him in a safe place grumbling, maybe you could carry him in a sling and talk him through what you are doing - in a childrens TV manner. That way, you can maybe have a bath in teh evening instead of running around cleaning.

There are lots of mumsnetters with good experience in this sort of stuff - hope you get the help you need

Oh, forgot to say - pram is actually broken at the moment... ARGH! so literally trapped. Could drive somewhere but the weather is horrific and don't want to risk it.

Can't do things while I have him in a sling, I just can't work around it somehow.. have tried and it just doesn't work.

I just can't always get some of the stuff done during the day, and to be honest, it's easier in the evening - it only takes an hour to wizz through everything then - if I do it when it's just me and DS it ends up taking the entire day and is so much more exhausting.

I sympathise. My baby is now 6 months old and having her sleep better had night has made me feel so much stronger. When it was bad at the beginning - and it was really bad as she was in pain from an un diagnosed allergy - we paid for a night nanny to do a few nights for us, so we could get some sleep. it's expensive, but totally worth it. Hope that helps...

I find it's a lot easier to do the housework at nights too, your just chasing your tail during the day. Just go for it one night and blizz the house, the day after get out of the house with baby, meet friends or put DS in the baby part of the shopping trolly and buy yourself something nice.

They are pretty boring at this time, it gets better tho. Im tired most the time with DS 19mths, but think you just got to get on with life and enjoy this little stage he's at just now. I kept a diary of DS and it's great to look back at it. Hope your feeling a bit better

this is practical advice ok i dont want to upset you or overpower you - ive been thru this myself ........

check freecycle for a pram to use 'for now'

sleep in day when baby sleeps

15 mins in front room and 15 mins in kitchen tidying is ample upstairs u do as and when u can

u must get out every day fresh air is vital for babies to sleep and the air blows away your cobwebs ...freezing cold or watever wrap up nd get out

small things that please you ...a bunch of daffs
posh bubblebath
a face pack .....get them and enjoy them

ask friend or relative to babysit for an hour get to the shops buy bits ....

5 mins at night getting clothes out and a bag ready for next day will save an hour next day.

this phase WILL pass we all have it

Ah jeez, i felt exactly like this as well.
Counted the hours and mins to dh getting home so that i could "hand over".
GET THE PRAM FIXED. then get yourself out, just round the block or to the shops.
Realy important, go for coffee with a pal, or family, jsut get out.
do bits of stuff at night but get to bed early.
Have a bath.

If you feel depressed get to GP, you dont realise how low you are till you start to feel better than you can look back and say wow, why did i let it go on for so long.

Bung the washer on in the morning, fill it at night. Make it a routine to sort it all out when its done, with him in his chair where he can see you.

If you dont get washed up in the day, no biggie, wait till he is in bed, do it together with dp/dh whilst talking about your day.

totally normal....honestly

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