Partners mental health - days in bed

[OliveBlue]

My partner spends regular days in bed, like all day, for 2/3 sometimes 4 days at a time.

This happens maybe once or twice a month at the moment. Does this sound like depression?

He seems generally ok otherwise. He's got a stressful job.. runs his own business.. works long hours.

If honest I really struggle to have sympathy when he has episodes like this, because he doesn't help with the kids, has the luxury of being able to choose when he stays in bed... never gets up in the morning to help get kids ready etc.

He explains these episodes and says he's tired, or just doesn't really say much. Tired... I am tired, I play musical beds with the children each night, while he sleeps...

Not sure what I'm asking, just don't know what to do about it and wondering if anyone has any experience of this or advice.

How can I help him? How can I mentally deal with this better?

I think it is quite common. But you need to come to some sort of agreement about his family commitments.

I go through this with my own depression and pre dc I actually could stay in bed and not move or speak for days and sleep without it improving how tired I was

When I was in a stressful educational programme, I realized at one point that only three people did NOT routinely take to their beds. All three of us were people who didn't have that option. We were overseas and had to show up at work to make money for rent and class (or risk being deported).

I guess what I'm saying is that your husband doesn't sound that unusual but that doesn't make his behaviour OK. At the very least, he should be making an effort to get help so that you're not stuck with all the responsibility.

I feel burned out at this point on mental health issues because (aside from a very few people who clearly have genuine, serious, and deep-seated issues) I can't help but notice it's only the wealthy people in my life or those with generous parents who seem to have them. Maybe your husband does have genuine issues but he should be making an effort to sort them out if you feel overwhelmed.

It's fair enough for you to have expectations and standards and to communicate them. If he feels unable to meet them, you could help him seek help. You can be compassionate and patient while also refusing to be a doormat and end up plunging yourself into mental health issues.

Thank you @Antst

That's exactly it. I am struggling myself, and the toll on our relationship at the moment is huge.

He doesn't help. The children don't even seem to like him much, at times. Because he's not around. Or if he is he is on his phone and doesn't spend quality time with them.

I just get on with things with the kids. But I feel very questioning of our relationship. I would quite like a day in bed to relax, or even just a morning where he gets up with the children rather than me, letting me have a lie in. That's not happened in years, apart from if I have been sick and physically unable to sort the kids out.

I am just angry about it all a lot, but not very good at expressing that because I feel I have to be nice about the fact that he's clearly not in a good place.

Thank you @icewoman and @scaredofff

I appreciate your replies.

I have days in bed each month due to my mental health. It sounds like he has a lot on his plate.