How to help son.

[sweettooth23]

My son is 16 and just started A levels. I can see he's suffering from very low mood and depression and I have found him searching online in the last couple of years researching suicide. I have obviously talked to him about this and he refused to let me get councelling. I'd hoped getting his gcses out of the way and time would help and I do keep a close eye on him. But I've seen that a few days ago he's been searching for most painless way to commit suicide and I know I need urgently to get him help. He doesn't know I can see his internet searches. I did say to him last week that he looked depressed and he's eating very little and that I would get him an appointment at the docs and he shrugged his shoulders and didn't demand that I didn't so I think he's willing to accept help. I have him on my bupa plan through work and my job also offer councelling services but I just wondered if anyone had sought BUPA help for their child and what I should be asking them for. I don't know whether to start calling bupa or the doctors surgery.

Hi OP,

That all sounds very stressful and really sorry your son is going through this.

I would absolutely use bupa if you have family cover. It will be much quicker to get therapy for him. Just give the number a call and explain that he’s been struggling with depression. They will usually offer a fixed number of sessions E.g 10 with a therapist. These days a lot of it is online which still works ok as long as he can take the zoom calls somewhere private but you could ask for in person too. I would try and take the choice away from him a bit. Say you feel like he’s struggling and you really want him to speak with someone. It’s totally normal to have therapy and no one has to know if he doesn’t want them too. Perhaps if you can refer to some else he knows like an older cousin or siblings friend that’s had counselling, make him see it’s normal. You can ask him if he would prefer a male or female.

I would try and get him an appointment with the doctor anyway. You can say to the reception staff what you know and say it’s quite serious but he might not open up but you think he needs help. Let him have the appointment with the doctor privately so he’s more likely to open up. Hopefully he might get on some medication and be given a crisis number to call.

Remember the fact he’s googling it doesn’t mean he will act but taking action will at least help him feel somethings being done. Was he better over summer? He might need some time away or a change of scene if school is the problem.

In the meantime lots of little treats, favourite meals, distractions anything you can without being overbearing.

Sending you a hug ❤️

Everything pp said and buy some high strength vitamin D supplements and ask for a blood test to check his vitamin D levels. Everyone needs vitamin D supplements from October to March.

Morning OP,

Was thinking about your DS last night. Agree with PP about blood tests being a good idea.

A few other bits:

• Don’t mean to worry you but just as a precaution I would try and remove anything that could be a risk. E.g throw away all your old medications and only keep what’s needed in the house (maybe locked away).
• Does he read? Matt Haig has a few self help books that are very light reading (reasons to stay alive & the comfort book)
• As part of your chat and persuading him if needed you could also mention celebrities that have struggled E.g the rock (Dwayne Johnson), Prince Harry, James Franco etc. Try and make it seem normal.
• Is there a certain time of day he’s searching for this content? E.g late at night?
• If he’s a big Instagram/Tik tok user I would try and limit that or talk to him about the dangers as they can both be crippling for MH.
• Sounds a bit ridiculous but kefir yogurts and probiotic foods can really help mood. Lots of research on the gut/brain link
• Does he do any exercise or is he sporty? That can hugely help. Try and get him back doing old hobbies etc any way you can. If not then even getting out for a walk is something. Maybe it’s time to get a dog for him to walk.
• Basic pillars of sleep, eating well, not drinking alcohol, exercise & social contact make a big difference.

I know that’s probably way too much advice at once so sorry to overwhelm! Thought better to know everything x

This is the worst time of year for the onset of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). In some people vitamin D levels plummet and this alone can cause severe symptoms. A good light box might help and daylight bulbs instead of ordinary light bulbs.
The onset can be extremely rapid and as pp said, use whatever resources are available to you to get a proper psychiatric assessment urgently.
Look into the theory of "leaky gut" and depression.
Don't leave him alone and get him off the internet by whatever means you can.

Lots of great advice here.

My son had exactly the same thing over gcses/start of a levels.

First port of call, Doctor and access CBT therapy through bupa (we did the same) ideally face to face.

Please message me if you like.

My job also offers an EAP which includes family. They have been very responsive with offering help to my DD in a similar circumstance.

you have had great advice above so I just wanted to add about the EAP as another layer of support as it was my first port of call and I didn’t even consider my Bupa cover at the time although I know I have some sort of extra level mental health cover. I just didn’t have the patients to hold for someone to answer Bupa where as the EAP was an email and very responsive.

I wish you both all the best