I’m struggling

[IWantAShitzu]

I feel like I’m drowning and don’t know what to do.

between August 2021 and July 2022 everything just went wrong.

I had a miscarriage, I witnessed my mum have a massive heart attack and almost lost her, then my grandparents died (I was with them) just days apart. Then my very healthy fit young husband had a stroke. He’s recovering but needs surgery soon and it may be open heart. Then a few weeks back I almost lost my dad.

im on my sixth and final year of doing my degree, I have three young kids and I’m working for SS so quite a demanding job. I’m exhausted, having panic attacks, my house is a mess and I’m just so disorganised lately. When tea time is done I just want to sleep. I feel guilty because my kids haven’t handed in one piece of homework since September. They have too much tech time although I do my best to take them out on the weekends and they do have their activities in the week.

I just can’t seem to get on top of anything. I’m so traumatised from past events and my friends just say that I should be happy my parents and husband are still here - of course I am, but it doesn’t change what I saw and the fear I felt.

ive been put on antidepressants but I just feel numb. I’m trying to support everyone, care for my husband and help my parents when I can while doing everything else that needs doing. My kids are happy and so lovely but I don’t feel like I’m enough for them.

I don’t even know why I’m posting I just needed to get it all out.

I'm not surprised - you have a plate that's not just piled high, it's overflowing. What, practically, can you do to lighten the load? Can you shorten your working week, or cut down on the children's activities, or rope in family or friends to help out?

I’m trying to support everyone You know the saying - you can't help others unless you help yourself first. Take short cuts, let your parents know you're there if absolutely necessary but that day to day you need to concentrate on your job, husband and children. They will understand.

I just can’t seem to get on top of anything. I’m so traumatised from past events and my friends just say that I should be happy my parents and husband are still here - of course I am, but it doesn’t change what I saw and the fear I felt.
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I recognise this description and I really feel for you. Just wanted you to know that given what you have described, its completely understandable.

I agree with the pp who said that you need to look after yourself, but I know that's easier said than done. I just couldn't do it at first. I was drowning and couldn't function properly. The fear was absolutely crippling, alongside the exhaustion and anxiety. I had a very supportive GP who understood my situation. I managed to access CBT, a real help.

Hoping you can find a way to make time to look after yourself and process everything. Take care and remember, you will be your children's world with your husband. If they are lovely and happy you did that. Hoping you can ask someone to provide practical support to give yourself time. You are strong, but now need someone else to help you catch a breath. All the best.

I'm sorry for your losses OP. You've been through so much.

You've been absorbing and dealing with all this, but it's understandably taking its toll on your mental and physical health. It sounds like you could do with a place to offload.

Have you got someone who will just listen to what you've experienced in the past 18 months? Listen properly without trying to 'help' you by saying that 'it could have been worse'. Your friends mean well, bless them, but I think you could benefit from someone really acknowledging how difficult life has been for you. Holding it together for everyone like you have is tough.

You mention you work for SS. Can you access an employee assistance programme and book a counsellor through that?