So worried about money demands from adult son , its making me ill

[Bubbamar]

Long story but i left my 2 children when they were 5 and 2 , i have always been in contact with them .
one of them is now 34 and always asks me for money and not small amounts , I am in a DMP and now taken out extra loans , the money is always to give him . Last amount was £3k and i know there is going to be a demand for £1,5k soon as there has been hints!
I know that if i say no there is going to be awful phone calls and text and threats of them coming to my home , my now husband is not aware of any of the last lot of debts i have got into after the DMP , i know if he finds out he will probably leave me this time , because i promised i would never do anything like this again and i have !
Has anyone been scared of their adult son and how have they dealt with it , i dont think i could bear to cut him out of my life but that is probably my only option :(

Say no.

Keep evidence of threats and show the police.

Any extra money you have you put towards your own debtors.

Im so sorry OP; your situation sounds very difficult.

To start, you need to tell your son no. Do it via text/ email if it's easier. If he starts to threaten you, you say that you'll call the police if it continues. Practice doing this in the mirror before the time comes.

Second, you need to contact a debt management charity, like Step Change, and get your finances in order.

Thirdly, you need to tell your husband. He will find out eventually anyway, and it'll be much better to do it on your terms. Again, do it by email/ text/ letter of it's easier.

Best of luck with everything

OP - you are risking your DH’s own credit rating. Effectively stealing from him.

You need to tell your DH. Spend any spare money you have on therapy to find out why this situation has arisen.

If he's demanding money with menaces that's a criminal offence, if he demands again tell him you are going to the police if he doesn't stop, he shouldn't be allowed to frighten you into taking out loans for him. You might have to involve your DH and explain you are frightened of your son, so took out loans to pay him off.

What is DH please

Dear Husband

Does it help, OP, if we say that:

• putting the phone down on threatening calls
• blocking the sender of threatening texts

And

• locking yourself in the house and calling police if there is an aggressive visit

...is in his interest as well, because behaving as horribly as you describe, and being rewarded financially for it is the furthest from "helping him be his best self" ...

For everyone's sake, the best thing is to say NO, block him, and call the cops if further harassment ensues.

Appreciate your words , I need to be strong but I am so not !

34? No way. Say no. How can you take money from your parents at that age? It is shameful

I think there's a lot of guilt there for leaving your children when they were young. Your adult son is now playing on the guilt, with the added hint of threat, to extort money out of you.
You need to tell your husband, rearrange your DMP, and get some therapy. But first of all you need to say NO to your son, and accept whatever consequences come from that.