How did you manage to control your severe anxiety on your own

[mpmrn]

Hi All,

About 6 months ago I started a rather big renovation in my flat which involved relocation of bathroom and kitchen and other bits which required for the roof in that section to be removed and rebuilt.

I'd been dreading this work for about 3 years and got so many quotes for it and eventually my planing permission was about to expire so I bit the bullet and started the work with a very young builder(26) and his dad who has way more experience and was helping him for the important parts. However for various reasons I could not trust them fully

About one week into the work my anxiety took over.Just for the context, I'm living on my own with no family in this country. I had never felt like this in my life, I felt existential threat specially during the period when I had no roof. I'd imagine the rain is pouring down and is flooding the whole house including the flat below me and I have to sell everything to just barely cover the damage I have caused and then I'd lose my job because of my mental health situation and I'd become homeless with nothing left etc and basically just catastrophising every single step of the way. same story when it came to plumbing the place and it went on and on.

I'd wake up with burning in my chest, couldn't eat any food and I was constantly feeling I'm about to lose everything. It was like the hell on earth.

The work is complete now however the dread is still there. I'm avoiding to going to that part of the flat in case I notice something is going wrong and I get panic attack, I've reduced the number of times I go shower because I'm worried something will start leaking, I keep checking the boiler pressure as I'm worried one of the heating pipe might be leaking under the floors the thoughts of having builders or any tradesperson in my home has become my nightmare. basically I'm constantly feeling this impending doom/dread.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? and how did you manage to control it?

If you want to get cracking on your own, do this:

I'd start with relaxation exercises as you can't hold relaxation and anxiety in your body at the same time.

Also I'd look into basic health habits: how is your sleep, are you moving, getting out into the fresh air, do you eat okay?

Then I'd reduce any substances, especially stimulants like nicotine, caffeine etc.

For some, handling the above greatly reduces anxiety. How are you with those?

And what makes you say you want to resolve this on you own?

You mention severe anxiety and panic attack. Would you be open to getting help, have you spoken to your GP?

Where can we find what relaxation exercises to do, I could do with this too.

I don't have any specific advice regarding tackling anxiety, but I totally understand the experiences you describe.

I own a flat which has frankly been a load of trouble over the years and which needs quite a few repairs and a lot of updating, all of which I'm very good at putting off.

You though have had the courage to undergo stressful and lengthy works, so I think you should contratulate yourself for that.

In my case, even minor things which have gone wrong and which have been put right, are still a cause of anxiety for me. It's as if once a particular thing has happened, like a light switch needing replacing, I expect it to happen again and again. As I'm very bad at coping with domestic issues, I dread anything going wrong, especially as the place is such a tip and I feel ashamed if tradespeople have to visit. For instance, every time I turn on a light I imagine it going wrong or exploding or causing an electric shock or something equally extreme.

Consequently, I too avoid doing ordinary things, even though I know that isn't the answer. Even things that still work fine, touch wood, cause anxiety... I too avoid using the shower in case that fails and wash in the bath instead. I also expect pipes to burst at every available opportunity and the roof to leak, especially as like you I'm in an upper floor flat and would be responsible for any damage to flats below.

I could go on, but I just wanted to say I completely understand the intensity of what you're experiencing. I wish you all the best in overcoming the anxiety. Take care.

The gym, every morning, makes a huge huge difference to my anxiety

@Redruby2020 my clients who experience anxiety get a deep relaxation meditation. I'd be glad to share it with you because I know how much anxiety can hold us back and I want to help people feel better. Shall I PM you an access link?

Here's a little disclaimer: in case your anxiety is severe / debilitating (panic attacks etc) please also talk to your GP to access any additional support.

@Redruby2020 - this is a great progressive relaxation video;

s

Longer term consider having some therapy - CBT/remedial hypnosis to understand why you are feeling this way and how to...stop.

Thanks everyone for your comments,

@CognitiveBehaviouralHypnotherapy I did reduce the stimulants. I stopped drinking coffee, tea, wine all together when this was happening as I was terrified anything can make me feel even worse. I've started drinking very recently again. My GP prescribed sertraline which I took for a week but it was making me worse and I just didn't want to rely on medication to feel OK so stopped that
I also do CBT but I feel that's very mechanical. Say if my root of anxiety is not being able to cope with uncertainty, what CBT suggests is to slowly increase your tolerance by experiencing smaller uncertainties to get use to it but I'd like to know why my brain can't cope with uncertainty. For example if someone is scared of spiders because they think all spiders will bite , before trying to introduce small spiders into their life, they need to understand that all sliders in UK home do NOT bite, rectify the wrong mindset and then introduce small spiders however it seems that CBT kinda ignores the whys and just wants to fix it with some techniques. I feel a lot going on in my mind that needs addressing and also being completely on my own is feeding into it as you feel more vulnerable and helpless when it comes to dealing with others

@TreesAtSea
Thanks, that's totally me. I also sometimes keep switching the new lighting they put on/off to make sure it's not going to explode or suddenly stop working all together. I was not this obsessed but since I had workers in my home for a few months and it was terrifying every single day, I just don't want anyone in the flat anymore and I think that's what scaring me about anything go wrong

@mpmrn

This is a bit of a leap, but DBT is recommended for women with your level of anxiety, instead of CBT. This might be worth looking into. (Lots of neurodivergent women have benefitted from it; I’m not saying this is you but you might find it helpful).

What worked for me was counselling, Prozac, exercise and meditation (Headspace app)
I very rarely feel anxious now and if I do it's v short-lived.
You can get through this!

@mpmrn I don't know if you had problems with anxiety or other MH issues prior to this, but either way the works at your flat have clearly sensitised you, ratcheting up your response to real or potential problems. Once sensitised to this degree, it really is difficult, I know, as it dominates every moment.

I have a lifetime of various MH issues, with anxiety more to the fore the last decade or so, most likely due to menopause. Like you I'm also on my own and, while I get on fine with my neighbours, we're not close and I wouldn't feel I could really ask for help if needed, though that's probably another manifestation of my anxiety rather than a reflection on them. The only real emotional support I have is a sibling who's fifty miles and a ferry ride away. Besides, only professional tradespeople could help with the nightmare domestic scenarios my mind dreams up.

With stressful work done in your home, the trouble is that you find yourself literally "living inside your problem", instead of your home being a place to relax. It's as if there's no escape. I expect you've also learned more than you ever wanted to know about renovations, plumbing, wiring and whatever, which can also increase the anxiety. You end up knowing this and that while at the same time realising that you probably wouldn't be able to put things right yourself without outside help if anything went wrong.

I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't know, and I realise I haven't actually offered any solutions, but I just wanted to reiterate that I do understand some of what you're experiencing. Wishing you all the best.

You're absolutely right, CBT addresses symptoms and gradually helps you face your fears and change your behaviour. It works well, but I understand that some want to go deeper than that.

Do you journal, or use any creative expression (painting, scribbling, singing, movement such as dance or even jogging etc) to explore what is bottled up inside you? Do you have a favourite creative activity? Those help you access your subconscious if you let yourself get carried away with them.

If you need someone to hold your hand through this, you could try psychodynamic therapy (for more long-term support) or hypnotherapy to explore your thoughts, feelings, dreams, and other unconscious processes that cause anxiety.

It sounds like there’s a lot going on for you at the moment. Have you let your GP know about stopping Sertraline?

Could peri-menopause be a factor? Horrendous anxiety during Peri is very, very common, and AD's make it worse.

So I decided to stop the CBT as it was kinda useless for me. Apparently it boils down to gradually expose yourself to whatever is causing the anxiety until you are used to it and some techniques. Not sure what can really help me at this point

The trauma of the building work hasn't left me.
Any noise I hear freaks me out that something they've built is about to go wrong and I might need to tear the tiles apart or remove my roof again and fix them, etc.
I think it's made me scared of buildings in general and how anything in them can go wrong. Not knowing is a blessing but now that I have seen it all and know how they're are put together, I cannot stop thinking how things might go wrong in future.
I've gone through quite a few stressful events in my life including a divorce etc but this has been the worst thing that's happened to me.

My advice to anyone who reads this is do NOT do it unless you really trust your builder and have a good network of support both morally and financially.

Speaking from experience...

Those books were helpful:
'self help for your nerves' by Dr Claire Weeks
'at last a life' by Paul David
Just explains what is going on and this knowledge is powerful.

Remove all caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate, cacao) and drink valerian tea throughout the day and before bed (the effect kicks in a week or two).

Burn candles where you can see the flame - fire does magic to nerves.

Journal - 3 A4 sheets a day for 28 days, write anything that bothers you then cross out each sheet.

Break from Phones, screens etc few hours before bedtime and don't take it to bedroom.

If you're really committed sign up for 10 day vipassana meditation (usually wait list) - it's residential retreat,it's free (leave donation), you have keep silent for 10 days and avoid eye contact with fellow meditators. No phones, books etc... it works like magic.

I can understand the anxiety. Undertaking major work is stressful.

Anxiety is a natural warning system to the brain that something MAY be about to happen, that something is slightly off. It doesn't mean it will happen. Reframing the situation us helpful ie. What you learned etc. Doing lots of things to calm and regulate your nervous system back down. Maybe talking to a counsellor about what this triggered. I struggle with change and uncertainty too.

Thanks, I have just ordered this book "at last a life" as you suggested and will give it a go.
I was on holiday for 2 weeks abroad and the difference was day and night, I was feeling almost normal.
I'm back now and somehow the anxiety is worse than before i went away. No idea why.
I just have this sense of dread and at time it feels like 100s of butterflies in my stomach

I find the physiological sighing breathing technique to be really helpful, there are videos on youtube and you can do this at any point in the day, there are also some supplements that can be useful including magnesium and at the moment I am using lavender capsules that you swallow, I find these really help calm anxiety and there is a fairly good evidence base comparing these to prescribed anti-anxiety meds if you are like me and like to read the research rather than just user reviews https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6007527/

Probably your home triggers the anxiety given the history. If you're into podcasts someone from a different thread recommended 'The Jungian Life' - very insightful to listen and very calming in explaining psyche (and underlying anxieties).

suffering terrible anxiety tonight and can’t sleep. Anyone else feeling the same? Woke up Confused from weird dream and feel like I am too wired/ shaky and alert to go back to sleep. Anxiety is really indescribable isn’t it. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Honestly I gave up trying to manage it myself after ten years of it gradually getting worse and worse and went on Sertraline. It made my anxiety 10x worse for the first week, side effects galore, but I'm now four weeks in and I feel so much better - most importantly I'm now in the headspace to be able to engage much more effectively with therapy and meditation. I'll be able to lower my dose in the new year if things keep improving and eventually come off it.

Don't discount medication so quickly - it doesn't have to be permanent, but it can be the stepping stone to getting you in a healthier frame of mind to beat the anxiety completely. One week is nowhere near enough time to see the benefits. I was completely anti-medication for years so I really do understand the unwillingness to try it, but it can be miraculous.

~ Pay attention to your diet, cut out caffeine and reduce sugar, eat lots of colourful veg, prioritise sleep, and make sure you exercise, even if it’s just a brisk walk for 30-40 minutes a day.

~ Ask the doctor to run a blood test to see if you are physically well. Consider taking some B vitamins and maybe a magnesium supplement (but research which type best for you). Ask them to prescribe a low dose beta blocker.

~ I know your thread title says you want to handle this alone op but severe anxiety like this doesn’t usually just appear in a vacuum. In your shoes I would be seeking help from a licensed psychologist. I would be exploring why, the presence of two men whom you could not fully trust (which is an interesting detail in itself) in your home, has triggered such extreme anxiety.

Good luck.

Thanks, yeah I don't drink coffee at all. only tea at times and very little sugary stuff.

When I said on my own I did not mean without the help of others or specialist , I meant without any family member or things like that.

I recently try Yoga Nidra. it really helps, specially with sleeping so I recommend to anyone struggling with sleep @MummytoBoth you can find good video on youtube specially Ally Boothroyd

Thank you so much :-) I hope you are feeling better today? I find that learning about what’s happening to me and why the most comforting thing when I’m in the midst of things. I have just bought the ocd and anxiety workbook by John Crawford and also at last a life by Paul David. I also visit the anxietynomore website which is also helpful. Good luck and always always know this will pass.

Sorry I misunderstood op. In that case I would definitely be reaching out for some professional help if affordable for you. Good luck!