Feel like no one's there for me

[CupOfTia]

A friend of mine lost his battle to cancer yesterday. My marriage is struggling, I found out the news whilst sat on the sofa and I cried whilst he just carried on playing on PlayStation.

I have one 'friend' who accused me of 'always having problems in life' so for last year or or so I don't bring up problems with him (but still listen to his) I also don't bring up on the group chat we're part of.

They knew my friend has been dying
of cancer as I asked advice about an idea. Shared the link of his loss last night on my page. Not one person gives a damn. They just carrying on chat as normal. The friend above messaged me about his missis mate dying of cancer and if I could help put together a video. I said yes, and then finished the message with 'my friend lost his battle yesterday, life's not fair is it' and his read but not responded.

Am I being unreasonable hoping one person gives a damn

I'm just thinking what the heck is wrong with me :( I would run a mile to help any of these people and I never expect that in return but just wanted a 'you ok'

Ontop of all this, this week found out there's a work group chat that includes everyone but me (including the guy who started after me) so defo feeling like Im the issue :( :(

I just want to give up on people. Don't know where to go from here, emotionally.

You poor thing. It’s awful when you’re upset and no one seems to understand or give a shit. My husband was very cold like that. One of my little nephews passed away suddenly and I asked him to take over the care of our kids so I could be with them and support them and he was very put out at the inconvenience. He didn’t see the need. Otherwise a lovely chap just lacked an understanding of care within families. Anyway, your work team have either not added you as an oversight or whoever initiated the group isn’t a fan, please try not to overthink it. If it’s intentional then they are very childish and mean. It’s a them problem not a you problem. I suspect that the past little while has been tough on you and you perhaps haven’t been radiating happy vibes, perhaps your mood is noticeable? I’m afraid lots of people hide from negative emotions, ask anyone who’s lost a child or spouse at a young age and they’ll tell you about the disappearing friends syndrome,there are lots of people who hide away because they don’t know what to say. That’s not everyone though! Lots of people are great listeners and have empathy in bucketloads. You perhaps need to join a hobby where you’re likely to meet lots of women around your age and some of those will be the lovely, loyal, listening types. The sadness you feel is because you care and you’re a nice person, nowt wrong with that.
these friendships take time to build , so In The meantime I’d book a few counselling sessions just to help you process this and move forward a bit. You deserve to be happy, so focus on seeking that out.
it’s okay to make ourselves a priority sometimes.

Thank you so much. I do feel like my brain isn't working out things practically because I'm too emotional at the moment, so to get a response on reasons why it seems like this, does makes sense and what I needed. Thank you x

Lack of response is very widespread. Some folk are just not able to find the right words and because of that say nothing. Trust me, it is better to have no response than some thoughtless or crass response.

My advice... don't share online about your grief as it will only upset you more.

Light a candle at home for your friend and spend time thinking of the good times you shared with them.

You will be fine this will get better. You are allowed to grieve your friend. But try to remember that cancer hurts and they are at peace now so in some small way it’s okay to feel relieved for them. Do something positive in memory of your friend, did they have a favourite seaside place or something? You could go for a day out? Could you fundraise for their favourite charity? Plant a nice rose or tree in your garden in their memory? It will have been hard watching them go through this and it will have affected you, but in the coming weeks you’ll begin to feel this weight lifting and you really must get out and find those new friendships. X

Hi OP,

Sorry it's been so tough and no support from friends or husband. I find that people can be quite superficial and disinterested when it isn't about them.
You're definitely not alone in feeling 'alone' though. I've no close friends at the moment, just colleagues and family pretty much. There have been things really important to me that I've tried to share with my DP, but there's not much interest on his part. He can be really kind, but sometimes I wonder if we are just 2 drifting ships.
It might be a good idea for you to talk about your friend on here though, you'll get lots more support💐