Does this sound like ADHD?

[Larabelle6]

Really hope this board is busy tonight, really needing some advice.

I have had anxiety issues for as long as I can remember - certainly since early teens. I’m 38 now and been on different ADs continuously for almost 15 years. Don’t get major side effects from any of them but neither do they seem to help much. What they do do is calm the physical symptoms of anxiety such as racing heart and palpitations. Have had NHS counselling 3 times and private counselling a further 3 times - for some reason I can’t get on with CBT however, I’m back in therapy now and also working with psychiatrist and GP to try and get a grip on it once and for all. My new psychologist believes I’m well and truly depressed; I don’t feel right and I’m definitely having a spell of low mood but I really don’t feel depressed - at least I don’t feel how I expect feeling depressed feels.

Randomly a couple of nights ago I came across ADHD in women and specifically how it can be misdiagnosed or linked with anxiety and depression. Once I started I couldn’t stop reading and researching.

Below is a list of potential symptoms / feelings I’ll be forwarding on. What I really can’t make fit and what seems to be one of the main symptoms is poor time management - I don’t have that. Being late makes me panic with anxiety. I’d rather be an hour early to something than be 2 minutes. Other than that I’ve almost convinced myself to go for assessment.

always felt like I’m not quite normal - from early teens

• overly sensitive
• feel things differently to others yet I’m fine in situations where others would expect me to struggle (births / miscarriage / deaths)
• I daydream / feeling of not being quite with it
• struggled with relationships - had intense “friendships” but kept at arms lengths
• I would describe my home life as “organised chaos”. Tidy and presentable on the outside but drawers and cupboards full of stuff
• misplace things like keys, phone, passports despite putting them in a safe place
• turn up to appointments a week early despite writing on a calendar
• I fidget. I hate standing so will always opt to sit but I cross one leg, then the other, then sit on one foot, then the other. Shoes on, shoes off etc
• really struggle when having to lie or bend the truth (anxiety increases massively)
• struggled with anxiety and prolonged periods of low mood for as long as I can remember
• total fear of public speaking
• dropped out of 6th form after 2 days; couldn’t face doing presentations and didn’t understand a word of my first biology lesson
• start books but never finish
• can’t watch a film without pausing to google what I’ve seen a character in previous
• racing heart despite not being active
• voices (my own) so more dialect and images / visions in my head constantly
• daily headaches
• impulsive - I’ll wake up and think I want to take the kids away tonight despite everyone telling me how hard it’ll be, they won’t sleep, it’ll take me 3 days to recover from
• always thought I had pretty bad anxiety until I got married (really impulsively) and had children and it increased ten fold
• easily overwhelmed
• fine with close people but socially struggle in busy / noisy places
• medicated for anxiety since 23 - same time I moved into my own home alone and had to start being an adult

Loads and loads of other things I could mention. It all just seems to fit. When I get into bed on a night I feel like I’ve been to a concert or nightclub with the noise in my head / ears. I feel tired completing the simplest tasks. I have an invisible list of stuff in my head that’s a mile long that I just never get round to despite having plenty of time. I read all the time about people starting ADs for anxiety and depression and “getting their life back”; I’ve never felt like this, just that my body and the physical symptoms seem to calm with them.

sorry for rambling - just needed it all out of my head and written down.

thanks in advance

Hey there @Larabelle6 super brave to post this and yes I feel you! And no you are not rambling - you are trying to take action and seek out advice from others! :)

In seeking out a diagnosis for our kid I ended up with getting my own diagnosis. I was diagnosed at I think 50 with ADHD and strong autistic markers. The ANXIETY and being told I was depressed but never took any meds offered to me by GP when I read the side effects. The exhaustion too - afternoon naps after work every single day - until I had a kid!

I found so many groups on Facebook - ADHD and autism and I really identified with a lot of them. The groups can be a mixed bag - sometimes empowering or sometimes lots of ranting. I really love ADHD Love - I think they are on most social media channels - it is a woman with ADHD and a husband who doesn't. They do fun shorts but it helps easily to unpack the why we do or think - SO MUCH relatable stuff.

When I was filling in my pre-assessment forms for ADHD they said I should fill in the forms for autism too. I was a bit taken aback as I didn't know much about autism. But as I've got more of a handle on ADHD strategies with stuff I find tricky and acknowledging the anxiety my true autistic self is rustling up to the surface.

There are looooooooooooong waiting lists for getting assessed both on the NHS and privately. Defo ask for the assessment and defo start seeking out strategies that may help with things. I could pop up a tonne of books - I only ever dip into them. Facebook groups - I've just stuck with the fun ones now as the more serious ones got me a bit down as they didn't feel super empowering.

BEST things for me in combating - and combat is perhaps too soft a word - are

Give up drinking - anxiety got worse initially but is no longer a constant thing that I need to quash.

Crazy early nights and crazy early mornings - I only ever sleep about 4 hours. So I do go to bed not long after kid and I wake anywhere between 3-5am most of the time and just sit and let my brain whirr into awake - it seems to kind of need to do that while drinking lots of coffee that calms my mind and then I do prayers following a Celtic practice of blessings. That really anchors me. This morning thing has helped me MASSIVELY with my time blindness - honestly, I feel like I've gone from constant frantic to paced. Leaving the house is still the same comedy show.

I have places for my stuff - still lose my phone, car keys etc but they have their spaces. And I don't expect to be perfect - I guess I am kinder to myself instead of getting frustrated with myself.

Decluttering - I have waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too many clothes, bags and shoes - yes my impulse buying. I just stopped, mostly 😁Just not having lots of beautiful things around me has calmed me a lot - but it is something I do regularly.

When I have to do stuff I rarely do the whole job in one go - little and often with everything - from food - I wish I could just plug myself into something - food is so tedious - to laundry - to cleaning.

Finally routines - mainly for my neurodiverse kid's benefit but it really helps me with the overwhelm. Those routines may change as the kid grows but we always end up with a routine - from food to activities.

I hope something has helped you in some way with what I shared.

I know you are at the beginning of your journey - be kind to yourself - you got this - there is more and more support and recognition out there.

Yes you can have ADHD without being late - you mention that you're overly sensitive...look up RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria). I have ADHD but always stupidly early for thing because my RSD makes me so worried about being late as I don't want to be rude/upset anyone. So I factor in loads of time.

You have many similarities to me, I have suspected I’m adhd for years, I’m very similar to others who are diagnosed

Thank you all for take the time to respond

https://www.theminiadhdcoach.com/

I found the information and quiz on this website super helpful as it details a lot of masking and overcompensating for ADHD.

When I filled in my paperwork for my assessment I also explained why I didn’t always fit the criteria. For example I think there was a question about interrupting people. I explained that I interrupt my husband a lot, but with other people I rarely interrupt as I know it is rude. I understand that other people get upset if interrupted and so I make a concerted effort not to (although I’m so desperate to say my bit).

As I said in another post a lot of women and adults have adjusted their behaviour a lot in order to ‘adult’. You can’t go around interrupting friends or not listening to them, or you might very quickly not have any friends. But it is something I have to work hard at everyday. Most Psychiatrists with a specialised understanding of ADHD will be aware of masking and overcompensating, most GPs will have no clue.

Hope that helps a bit, it is a very odd disorder as in presents in very different ways (often at extremes). I went private for my diagnosis, and I am doing private titration currently. It’s expensive, but just finding out I have ADHD has been momentous for me, and explains all my struggles and why I get overwhelmed at times (it’s not just anxiety it’s sensory overload!). It’s early days with medication for me and again it’s expensive, but like you I’ve struggled my entire life with my mental health, so worth it for me.

Have a look at the ADDitude website - it has really solid, well researched info and the podcast is great.

Thank you, very useful.

Im just feel put off even thinking about an assessment and all that it entails. And as is usually the case dealing with it all totally alone - all in my head!

The assessment isn’t that bad! It felt a bit like a job interview for having ADHD. An initial ‘application form’, someone you know (preferably who knew you as a child, before the age of 12, so mum, dad or sibling) has to fill in the same paperwork. Then an appointment with a Psychiatrist who talks to you - they have to ascertain that you meet criteria and that it effects I think it’s 2 areas of you life (so finances, social, work or education etc).

I went with MyPace and it was £360.00. Which was worth it to me as I’ve walked away from well paid jobs before as I couldn’t do them. I now get reasonable adjustments at work. The understanding that that diagnosis has bought me (and my husband) is huge. Knowing that I wasn’t lazy, and that I was pulling my weight, but that weight was actually much heavier, so I was actually working extra hard to pull it. Instead of feeling like I’m shit, I know have ‘respect’ for myself knowing that I’m actually a determined little f*#cker.

Luckily for me I went straight into hyperfocus and wrote about 4000 words for the paperwork I had to do for my assessment. Honestly though you don’t have to write much at all! From the time I realised I had ADHD to getting diagnosed was about a week and a half! Life changing! Lots of tears and grief of what could have been, but also an understanding of myself that is life changing!

Oh I could definitely write an essay.

”Some of us don’t look like we struggle, because we are working overtime not to disappoint, but this extra effort takes its toll on our physical and mental healthand is often unsustainable. If we are asking for help, it’s because we can see the wall we are heading for at high speed and know the impact will be catastrophic”. This quote is perfect and exactly me - I’ll say to my husband I struggle with life every day but when I tell you I’m struggling, I’m really fucking struggling !

it was the online aspect of mypace I kind of dismissed - I’m much better face to face but if it’s mostly writing I’m sure I can do that

I know a lot of NHS appointments are face to face, but there are ridiculous waiting list times - six years in my area!!!!

I presume there are private companies that will do face to face assessments.

I felt good doing it in the comfort of my own home. But I hate driving so it was great not to worry about that!