6 weeks in and finding it hard to enjoy motherhood

[rubyblue]

Is it normal to continue to feel baby blues six weeks in and does it get better as the baby grows? Sometimes I despair of feeling better and I know it's linked to lack of sleep but I just can't see how or when it is going to get better. DS is six weeks old and he's gaining weight but has reflux and cries a lot (how much is a lot?) - in fact he is only really happy for about 20 mins or so after a feed. Is this normal? I'm feeling totally drained of all energy and feel like everyday is the same, a treadmill of feeding and trying to get him to sleep (he always fights it) and I just feel wrung out and overemotional. I feel so guilty too as last night i put him in another room to cry as I was at my wits end and when I checked on him had real tears which broke my heart. I do love him very much but I'm not having the touchy feely 'this is the best stage' feeling at all - in fact I can't wait for him to grow a bit!

I'm not a mum yet so can't empathise but can sympathise. Can't belive anyone has suggested that this is the best bit. All my (honest) friends have prepared me for this being the worst. One commented that she really felt that she had made the biggest mistake of her life at 8 weeks in. BUT it will end. Like everything else in life "this too will pass". Don't be so hard on yourself, you've just started one of lifes greatest challenges, give yourself time to get used to it and your new baby. Without sounding like an earth mother type, have you tried a sling? It was a Godsend for one of my friends for her 2nd child, who, like yours seemed to cry for hours. I have already ordered one for my own impeding arrival, hoping that, if nothing else, it will allow him/her to be close to me without me having to physically hold him/her when physically exhausted. Keep in touch. Talking it out helps. You are a good mother.

Yes it is normal and yes it gets easier. Not completely linear though , 3 steps forward , one step back sometimes. I suspect after the initial elation you are finding it hard to square the soft focus baby magazine lifestyle with reality.

I found the first 6 -8 weeks really tough, but it did get better.

These little things helped me.

• going for a walk everyday to get some fresh air (and some peace because baby more inclined to sleep in pushchair!)
• joining a postnatal mother and toddler group so I felt less alone.
• accepting that just because I was now a SAHM I was not going to be domestic goddess and mum.

It will get better, I promise! (I'm pg with number 3 now!)

ruby I remember this only too well with my ds. That overwhelming tiredness is really hard to handle and as much as you know it's going to be hard, it's much harder and more tiring than you expect. I think this is normal, some babies are easier at this stage than others. Do you have family around for support who could maybe look after your ds and let you have a break? Do you have a partner who could help out?

It will get better but you need support even if it is just talking on here for now.

what lizs said

i have found the early days really hard with both of my dsses

ds1 harder, as wih ds2 i expected it to be a nightmare

it gets easier, i promise

I should add, with my ds it wasn't "the best stage" either and there are plenty of mums on here who are happier once their little ones are a little older. Society creates a lot of pressure for this to be the happiest time of your life and often it just isn't. You are not alone.

rubyblue - totally normal. Think hard about whether there's anyone around who would love to come and cuddle the baby?? People with older children, a local, sensible teenager, neighbour, grandparents or someone you could pay for a few hours? It is SO hard to be on your own all the time with a small baby. If you are isolated, remember you can take even a tiny baby to parent and toddler groups so you can have some adult company - that's what I used to do with my first.

First three months are hell. It changes noticeably for the better in the fourth month.

Patience. It will get better.

Thanks all for your supportive messages. People say it is hard but nothing had prepared me for the sheer drudgery of 24 hour care of a newborn. So glad that it's not always the happiest time as it's not been for me after the initial elation when he was born. I feel guilty admitting this to family/friends, it's like an admission of failure after the build up during pregnancy but it's so hard, far harder than anything I've faced at work as at least then I could leave it all behind at the end of the day. DH is supportive but I find myself getting short-tempered with him when he's managed to mostly snore his way through the night!
Suggestion of a babysitter is a great one, I just want and need a couple of hours on my own without the baby so will ask around. I know a couple of other Mums and we meet up for a moanfest once a week which is such a relief! Thank god for other mums and mumsnet!

Oh Rubyblue this is exactly how I felt. Haven't read the other posts here but from your last one - I would recommend "admitting" to family (I think when you do you'll be surprised at how many say they felt the same, if they've had babies) and I would really recommend going to a parent & toddler group if you can - again I think you'll find SO many new mums feel exactly the same.

Ooh it makes me shudder when I think of those early weeks - though I am trying for #2 at the moment so it hasn't put me off!

Don't feel guilty; it's a hard time and it will pass. x