Long term effects of not having my mum

[usernamenotavailable99]

My mum had undiagnosed schizophrenia and left me on my own at 3 weeks old. My dad came home from work to find me and mum was found and taken into a mental hospital. This was 39 years ago. I was raised by my dad and gran which was unproblematic I was close to them. Mum drifted in and out of my life, coming to see me sometimes then having no contact for years. I would contact her but get no response then she would turn up again or text me like nothing had happened. I know she has an illness but I feel incredibly affected by this. I was ok as a child but started to have effects in late teens. I have had many problems in my own life, been unable to hold a steady job or have proper relationships with men or with friends. I don't get why i am so affected by it if I was taken care of so well by my dad and gran. Psychiatrists just want me on medication and psychologists understand the depth of the trauma but I don't get it. Can child abandonment as the psychologist call it really be so damaging? Anyone have any experience of this?

I didn't want to read and run but have no advice 💐

It might not be that initial time when your mother was ill that's the issue (there's lots of research relating to the severing of the bond between mother and child, most of it pertaining to adoption. The Primal Wound is a well known book on this subject) but the perceived ongoing rejection of you throughout your life which, as you say, has affected you deeply.

Your rational, logical mind knows that this is nothing to do with you and everything to do with your mother's illness but your subconscious, emotional mind is behaving as a small child would - hurt that you didn't have the type of relationship with a mother that you saw everyone else having and wondering if it was in some way your fault (it wasn't, obviously - easy to say but much less easy to believe, deep down).

What sort of therapy have you had/are you having?

Thanks for your reply, I've just had talking therapy that helps in the short term. I was sectioned 10 years ago and put on anti depressants that didn't help at all. The therapy started there and continued for a year.